On Being Furious At People Missing The Fucking Point

I was a bit hot and bothered last night and it made me grumpy. The Lovely was sleeping but I was too restless. Then I saw something on Twitter that pissed me the fuck off so I went on a bit of a rant using the hashtag #missingthefuckingpoint.

I thought I'd reproduce and add to it here. Explaining the things that made me so angry. It wasn't all on the one day, this had been coming a while and it felt good to get that rage out.

Buckle up, this is going to be a bumpy ride. Here we go...

'Not all men are sexist assholes. Some of us are trying to do the right thing and get you the equality you want'

No. Equality is mine by right, not because I want it. You want to be a good feminist ally? Listen and understand that by choice or not you are part of the patriarchy that damages us all. I'm sure you are a nice guy but being all defensive about your gender is not forwarding making that gender unimportant.

If you try to tell me that not all men are sexist assholes you are #missingthefuckingpoint

The campaign to keep women on banknotes. Yes, I know there are other fish to fry but actually this is important to people. We are capable of campaigning on more than one issue at a time you know.  Try actually taking five minutes to sign the bloody petition rather than snarking from the fucking sidelines and coming up with bullshit reasons why this isn't important. Besides,

Yes, I do understand that the queen is a woman and on every banknote #missingthefuckingpoint

Bloody rape culture and victim blaming gets everywhere. Despite the fact that a woman is more likely to be raped by a partner in her own home or by someone else she knows than being snatched off a dark street. I have written about this at length and I suppose I will keep doing so till it stops.

If you think that women are more in danger of rape while wearing revealing clothes #missingthefuckingpoint

Tell you who isn't though, the amazing End Victim Blaming campaign. They are making the point over and over again. Click on the link anyone who thinks any blame at all should rest with the abused. Go on, educate yourself. And keep that victim blaming shit the fuck out of my face.

Oh yes, while I'm at it, EVERY woman, regardless of gender assignment at birth is my sister. That is it. Not difficult. If you identify as a woman you are a woman. I don't fucking CARE what you have between your legs. I will defend your right to equality.

Claim to be a feminist and yet exclude trans* women? #missingthefuckingpoint

This one should be self explanatory really. Can't believe I have to say it. My body, my choice.

If you think abortion should only be available in cases of incest or rape #missingthefuckingpoint

Don't even think about telling me that women have equality. Don't even think that. Don't say that. Don't even allude to it. I will kick your fucking deluded ass while I explain how we don't.

I see my sisters all over the world being denied autonomy and being treated like chattel. Think I won't be angry? #missingthefuckingpoint

I'm also sick and tired of the division that means the Tories and Lib Dems are able to decimate a society I was once proud of. We will never defeat them if we spend our time being the People's Front of Judea or the Judean People's Front. It's pathetic and it turns people off. The very people who we need to be our army are waiting in the wings to fight while we argue about which strategy is the right one while excluding all the others. Here's an idea, how about we actually fucking unite and realise we have a common cause and merge the strategies where possible for maximum effect?

If you are a left winger spending time provoking and berating other left wingers then guess what... #missingthefuckingpoint

This one took a few to get across. Being a feminist to me is about choice. Not being part of an army with a uniform. It is about the individuals coming together for a common cause. I can't stand the idea that if I don't dress a certain way, look a certain way, have a body hair then I can't be a 'proper' feminist.

If you grow your leg/armpit hair because that's what feminists do #missingthefuckingpoint

Be hairy or smooth. Makes no odds to me but if you do either to conform to an ideal then you are #missingthefuckingpoint

One of my followers put it better than me. She has a protected account so I won't publish her name but she was bang on!

doing shit to fit an ideal is absurd to me. Doing what makes you happy is the way forward.

This last section was about my utter fucking contempt for those against Equal Marriage. What business is it of yours what people do? How the fuck does it impact on your marriage if I wed a woman? Keep the fuck out of my business and I will stay out of yours.

Think that what consenting adults do in the bedroom is any of your damn business then you are definitely #missingthefuckingpoint

This, from the amazing @midweshtener.

If you berate or disdain other folk for life choices that have absolutely no impact on you, you may well be #missingthefuckingpoint

And this from me.

If your god is more important to you than the people around you then you are #missingthefuckingpoint

Rage expelled for a while I went to sleep.

Then.

I woke up to the news that George Zimmerman has been acquitted for the murder of Trayvon Martin. Not exactly a shock to be honest to wake up to the news that Black American's sons can now be hunted down and killed with impunity.

However.

If you think that the potential for a riot after this verdict is the biggest threat then you are royally missing the fucking point.

The biggest threat is that the verdict will create more George Zimmermans.

*sigh* I lost Twitter followers after my rant last night but I refuse to apologise. When the world stops making me angry I will stop ranting. I will live in a world where race, sexuality, gender, disability, none of that shit will make a difference.

But that isn't today, and I can't see it being any time soon so I will continue to speak my truth.

If you think I won't or that I give a flying fuck of what you think of me for doing so then you are MISSING THE FUCKING POINT.

Dear #radfem2013 Intersectionality Is Essential

Dear #Radfem2013

I have been watching your hashtag with interest over the past few days as I know you've been having a conference. Let me say I like a lot of what you say and in my dark hours, I have actually thought I might want to join you.

But I can't. And that isn't my fault, it's yours. And it makes me really sad. Not for me, I'm more than happy in my feminism thanks, but for you who must know, deep down, that you will never achieve what you want because, believe it or not, you are not about equality for women.

I hope you were sat down for that. I can almost hear your bristling and outrage. And I'm ready for whatever backlash you want to throw at me. But I'm not actually expecting any to be honest because as an intersectional feminist, I am beneath your intellectual notice. Though you are not above pouring scorn and hatred on my ilk.

You exclude me, and feminism shouldn't, fuck it, DOESN'T work like that.

So, here is why I don't want to be part of your faux revolution.

I am a woman who understands that every woman, regardless of gender assignment at birth is my sister. No, she wasn't 'born a man', she was born a woman. And no, escaping misogyny for most of her life (are you fucking shitting me here? It is patriarchy that means so many trans* women commit suicide) does not mean that she is a threat to women only spaces because she brings a male perspective. We don't punish women for being women. I say 'we', I mean us intersectional feminists. You still see them as 'chicks with dicks' and you should be ashamed.

I have a boyfriend. He is a man. He is also the best feminist ally you could hope for. He listens to us without trying to fix us. He doesn't try to tell us what we need. He never judges. He will debate our issues with us to understand them so he can help in a way that we want him to, not in a way that makes it look like he knows best because he is a man. He will challenge misogyny and not accept it in his presence. He will educate other men. He will not mansplain. He believes that women deserve equality as a default, NOT because men would bestow it upon us as a gift. He is an ally, and there are many more like him.

Yet you would write him off as TEH MENZ and call him TEH PROBLEMZ.

You really don't like gay men do you? You think that they hate women and are all about the misogyny themselves. You miss the point that their struggle is equal to our struggle and that we might have something to learn from each other. And that they are actually, in the main, our allies too. You see they understand about being oppressed. It wasn't that long ago that being themselves actually meant prison. And dammit, they know how to campaign and organise. Talk to them, you might surprise yourselves.

You talk about gynecology being born from vivisection of slaves. But that seems to be as far as you would go to talk about Women of Colour. I don't deny this, but that same gynecology saves millions of women's lives. So what is your point? Ah yes, that TEH MENZ WAZ EVILZ. *yawn*. Talk about the rape of women of colour, but what campaigns do you actually support to help?

Getting more and more angry here and that wasn't my intention, so will give you the last reason I want nothing to do with your ridiculous, bigoted, hateful organisation.

I am the mother of two boys. They are good men who understand our issues and will fight to make sure that we get the equality due to us. I cannot reconcile your hatred and mistrust of men with the ones I have raised. And here is the crux of the matter, when they are arguing on our behalf with other men who don't get feminism and do need educating it is you that gets thrown at them as an example of why feminism is a BAD thing.

It is you that gets thrown at them as an example of feminism being full of man hating psychos who hate everyone to be honest. It isn't us who spend our time educating, protesting outside abortion clinics when the disgusting 40 Days Of Life are harassing women. It isn't us who are trying our hardest to affect change in the Left because we understand that holding ourselves separate from them isn't going to achieve anything. No, it isn't us who understand that without intersectionality our fight means NOTHING.

It is you who is doing the feminist movement damage.

And that is why I can't join you, no matter how much I would want to.

Grow up a bit and we'll talk. Hope that can be soon.

Your sister,

Goddessdeeva.