On Choosing Trans* Inclusivity

Been thinking a lot about Trans* issues today.

First there was my post earlier on Leaving The House.

Then I read a blog which equated trans* women to middle class white boys with long hair.

Then I came across the #howtospotaCISperson hashtag.

I went through this thought process.

1. But I don't do that!
2. I'm a CIS person and would never dream of doing that.
3. NOT ALL CIS PEOPLE!!! 

Then I thought about it some more. I got over myself. And I thought that not all cis people sounded an AWFUL lot like Not All Men. And about how my stock answers to that are as follows.

1. If you are too busy being defensive rather than looking at what the problems are, you are probably part of the problem.
2. If you don't recognise yourself in what we are saying then we are not talking about you specifically.
3. Yes, I know not all men. But literally yes all women.

So this got me thinking that a reply to Not All Cis People should be literally all trans* people.

I like to think I am a good trans* ally and that I try and educate those who want to have a proper debate about what it means to be trans*.

I chose the side of trans* inclusivity long ago. I have never been shy of saying all women, regardless of gender assignment at birth are my sisters.

But I have decided that in every family there are members you just cannot talk to, just cannot educate and just cannot change.

So please do me a favour, if you are Trans* Exclusionary then please block me on Twitter, defreind me on Facebook and don't bother commenting on this post.

You hurt me when you treat trans women as chicks with dicks and I can no longer put up with it. I owe myself, my conscience and my trans* brothers and sisters (and daughter person) more than that.

And if you find yourself unable to assess someone's gender when you are out on the street and it confuses you then follow these three easy steps.

1. Get over yourself.
2. Don't worry about it.
3. Go about your day.

On What Happens When You Leave The House

Was scrolling through my facebook the other day and came across this from the awesome @BethanyBlack and it got me thinking.

"I write crappy joke, some arse hole goes "Oh no she/he didn't!" I explain why that's really not appropriate, he goes "I thought you could take a joke!" I explain that's not a joke, just bigoted abuse. He apologises, but adds a caveat blaming me for talking about the abuse I receive for being trans in my stand-up. I explain I'm highlighting the abuse I get and that doesn't give him the right to abuse me. He goes "Jeez, Touchy subject!"

I block him. I tell the rest of twitter about this. They react like this must be the only time I get stuff like this happening. I realise I've dealt with it every day for the last 14 years.

Sometimes it's such a daily part of your life you let the small stuff go and it's only when the big stuff happens, the violence, the assault both physical and sexual, the times when there's groups of people shouting stuff. You become so inured to it that it's "just part of what happens when you leave the house."

It made me sad, but like I say, it got me thinking. I have a very close family member who comes under the trans* umbrella but they don't get any grief for it in public as no one who doesn't know them doesn't know they identify as non binary.

But this is not a post about 'passing' or not (makes me feel sick even to type that if I'm honest) it is a post about what happens when you leave the house.

I have been suffering lately, not so much with feminist burnout, but with feminist overwhelming. There is so much to do, and it seems that every time we are finally getting somewhere that another atrocity happens. Two girls in India get raped and hung. A so called 'nice guy' shoots up some people because he didn't get his dick wet. Rape as a war crime is presented as not paying attention to the important stuff.

Worldwide my sisters are being assaulted, raped, murdered just for being who they are. I will continue to fight to make things better for them, but one thing we shouldn't forget is that it isn't just the incidents that make the news we need to care about, it is what happens to every woman, every time she leaves the house.

She get harassed in the street.

This weekend it was by a god botherer who got a look at my pentagram tattoo and decided I was worth extra allelujah points or something. I was wearing headphones and carrying shopping in both hands and STILL this wasn't a fuck off enough vibe for him. I tried to be polite and just say no thank you but the shit followed me down the road shouting about how he had to save me for Jesus. He even tried to 'lay hands' on me and had I not done a full on Matrix style swerve he would have touched me without my consent and would have been meeting Jesus a lot earlier than he planned.

But the bit that really got me is that this incident was at a busy shopping centre on a saturday afternoon and people just laughed and walked past me though I was obviously upset enough to use a gendered insult. It was just expected that this street harassment (loosely disguised as religion) is what we should expect when a woman leaves the house.

(as an aside, how fucked up is it that I feel bad because when he said 'Jesus loves you!' I replied with 'yeah but he thinks you're a cunt'. Seriously. I feel bad for using a gendered insult whereas I would bet my last pound that he gives not a flying fuck about harassing me.)

And now.

The World Cup is on and there are England flags EVERYWHERE. It's pissing me off to be honest as I no longer know which pubs are safe for me to go in as a Woman of Colour (WoC).

Usually flags flying out of pub windows is a way for me to know which pubs might just be EDL friendly and I can avoid them. Yes, every time I leave the house I risk assess which pubs might be safe by using flags. And I shouldn't have to do that. So, watching the match in the pub becomes impossible to me as I can never truly be comfortable.

I'll be glad when the whole thing is over.

Other things that happen when I leave the house:

I get men shouting 'BIG TITS' as if I have neither mirrors nor self awareness.

I go into hyper vigilant mode and cannot relax just walking down the street.

I end up calling someone out for being sexist/homophobic/racist/transphobic.

I wonder if this is the day I won't make it home coz some asshole who is made of entitlement thinks that today will be a good day to kill some bitches coz he didn't get laid. Or if I will be beaten because I am a WoC. Or if someone I call out will slap me down for being an uppity woman. Or if I will be raped and hung, because it is coming. In a country where we have laws against forced marriage and 'honour' killings but no one seems to be prosecuted, it is coming.

I am exhausted by it. It wears you down, but you can't let it win. I will continue to fight for myself and my sisters, and for the avoidance of doubt I mean EVERY woman, regardless of gender assignment at birth. I can't not fight because then I become scared.

Become beaten.

Become afraid to leave the house.