David Cameron Face Fucked A Dead Pig - Allegedly

I'll say that again. David Cameron, Prime Minister, allegedly face fucked a dead pig. (You know I'm saying allegedly coz I have to right?)

And nobody was surprised.

Amused, yes. Surprised, no.

And now a picture has emerged which is apparently of a young, naked Cameron (except for bow tie) looking at the pig's head on the lap of someone (don't know who, if it matters it will come out soon enough) with a look on his face of, well, I'm not sure really. Studious readiness it would seem. (though I do wonder, if this picture turns out to be real, what his face looked like on the other 23 pictures that would have been on the roll.)

You know those questions you see on Facebook quizzes, stuff like 'Would you cross the road butt naked RIGHT NOW for £10000?' (well yeah, it's just flesh) well, this is like a really high stakes version of that.

WOULD YOU SLIDE YOUR CHUNGUS INTO A DEAD PIGS MOUTH FOR A CHANCE TO BE PRIME MINISTER?!!

Bit unsubtle?

How about, would you slip your bulbous salutation into the oral cavity of a deceased porcine?

Or maybe Eton mess in pigs cheek anyone?

Well, would you?

Actually, don't answer that. The answer isn't that important. What is important is the responses to the allegations of the dead pork fellatio.

There seem to have been a range of responses. Let's deal with them in turn.

Boys will be boys.

And girls will be girls. Dogs will be dogs and cats will be cats. Dolphins will be dolphins. Actually, dolphins are a bad example as anyone who has seen the video of one wanking himself off with a dead fish will attest to, but generally, being of a specific gender or even species does not mean we should expect sex acts with dead pigs.

He was young

Ah yes. The folly of youth. Who hasn't done silly things when they were younger? Not me. I have done some really stupid things. We all have. I am willing to bet that for none of you, much like myself, they involved having carnal knowledge of sunday's dinner. And now that he is older and Prime Minister he takes that same sense of entitlement and looks down on us and implements policies that kill people. Literally kill people. And he is just getting started on his quest for domination.

It isn't true

Well now, how do you know? If it isn't, how come still no denial and actually, it is something that we have no problem believing. That says a lot about how we view the monied classes. We think that face fucking a dead pig is something they would do.

So what?

Actually this is a good point. Why should we care? Does it matter? the pig was dead so it couldn't object, and who did it harm really?

Yes. It matters. Yes we should care. When the route to power is not through democracy, not through merit and is instead about who is willing to put their old chap in Peppa's mouth then there is something really very wrong. When Lord Ashcroft openly admits that he is doing this because £8m into the tory coffers didn't get him the exact job he wanted then we can no longer hide. We can no longer plead plausible deniablity about where power comes from and how it is distributed.

We always knew that power was for sale in Parliament. We always knew that it was corrupt. We always knew that politics for Conservatives was a game that posh boys played so that when they retired they could make even more money. We knew it and apart from when it suited us (expenses scandal and money for questions) we ignored it.

And now we can't.

Because of Lord Ashcroft, his major league tantrum and the lust for power that became (alleged) sexy time with a dead pig we cannot ignore it any more. This has to be the point where we demand change. This has to be the point where we say 'Enough. You will not fuck us any more. We're not pigs.'

Because if we don't, for generation after generation after generation it won't just be the pig that gets fucked.

Happy Bi Visibility Day!!!!

Says a lot that we need a day doesn't it?

Like for the rest of the year we are skulking in the shadows, being all fancying all genders like a dirty secret.

I know that only yesterday I was travelling the city via the rooftops at night time lest I was showing my bisexuality for all to see. It was a close run thing. I was nearly spotted casting my eye over an attractive redhead with massive boobs.And then there was a woman I liked the look of too. Luckily I styled it out and walked into a lamp post instead.

PHEW.

Some of us are loud and proud. We know who we are and we refuse to hide.

Understated as ever.

Some of us aren't.

Some of us are bullied into hiding who we are by a society that doesn't get it just to save us having to explain about our sexuality again. And again. And again.

Some of us are in a monogamous relationship with someone who is of the opposite gender to us. Happily so. We don't feel the need to cheat. We don't suddenly become straight because partner with penis.

Some of us are not visible because we are gaslighted into believing that it was just a phase by abusive, insecure male partners who cannot believe that they are good enough for us and that by also being attracted to women we bring their masculinity into question and they can't have that.

Also, 'Can I watch?' No. Fuck off.

Some of us get raped as a way to 'make us straight'.

Some of us get beaten up.

Some of us get put into therapy for being 'confused'.

And when we have a relationship with a woman we are called lesbians and men still want to have a go at us.

And oh my gods can the Muckdoc press stop sexualizing and fetishising us please?

We get called greedy like because gender isn't a barrier to attraction we are having ALL OFF TEH SEX. It might be nice but personally I don't have THAT MUCH OF TEH TIMEZ and certainly not ENOUGH OF TEH ENERGY.

Just pick a side. Oh just fuck off. I refuse to play into the gender binary or your bullshit heteronormativity. Just fuck the fuck off.

And *side eyes LGBT community* more needs to be done to include us. So that we are not just this sexy threat who will steal your man and your woman (or non binary person) but we are seen as people. People who just happen to not see gender as a barrier to attraction.

That way we might be safer.

That way we might not have to kill ourselves or do irreparable damage to our mental health.

That way, instead of skulking around like Dr Lesbo and Ms Straight we will be able to just say hello. Here I am.

So happy bi visibility day.

I look forward to the day we don't need it.

Not greedy. Not confused. Just bisexual.

Jeremy Corbyn Ate My Hamster And Other Such Bollocks

Hello.

Been a while hasn't it?

I know I've been neglecting you all and this blog for a while. I've been introspective. Yeah, who knew that was possible in an age where every single one of my thoughts is vomited out onto the ether before it even has a chance to fully form. Certainly not me.

I haven't had the time or energy to write.

Plus, we got kittens so, you know, distracted.

Tonight though Frida Kahtlo and Sylvia Purrlhurst (yes really) are in the other room so they don't lie across the shiny thing demanding attention while I try to write.

So, *pours drink* *sits back* what's been happening?

Well, I got assaulted, got engaged, ended one friendship, reestablished another, signed up for uni, got two toes broken, nearly came to fisticuffs with my gynaecologist (separate posts coming on all that) and we got a left wing Labour Party leader.

I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?

I type it and there is a part of me that still doesn't believe it.

Two years ago I joined the Labour Party and man did I have to eat shit for it. I was a sell out. I was establishment. Naiive, stupid, a dreamer. I couldn't change anything, why waste my time when I could be helping to build a party of the left.

I joined Labour rather than other 'left' parties for three reasons.

a) I'm not a big fan of rampant sexism, rape apology, domestic abuse apology, thuggish behaviour or trans misogyny.

b) the parties the above refers to are so far from being viable or effective it isn't even funny.

c) I have a strong attachment to the Labour Party. It was built by trades unions, it used to be the party of the working class and dammit Blairites, I WANT IT BACK.

And then along came Jeremy.

And the party laughed. And they said, sure, we'll let him on the ballot so we can have a debate, why not?  And on the ballot he went.

And a movement built behind him and he went and bloody won. All the shit I had eaten was worth it.

Then the backlash. Corbyn's bike was Maoist. Corbyn didn't appoint enough women. Corbyn hates rugby. Corbyn HAD CONSENSUAL SEX. Corbyn once flicked a bogey at your nan. The media are shitting themselves and it shows.

And the more they have a go at him the more popular he gets. He's like Obi Wan Fucking Kenobi with that shit. And I like it. I like that he looked like a geography teacher in a borrowed tie at PMQs. I like that he humanised the people the Tories are literally killing with their policies by naming them. I would call it a stroke of political genius but it felt too genuine for that.

I like that he has appointed Shadow Ministers for Mental Health, Young People and Voter Registration.

Though I am waiting for the 'Corbyn set fire to the barn that killed Grace Archer' story.

So I went to my first LP meeting this week. I am going to two more next week. There were lots of new members and first timers there and we all wanted to get stuck in.

Parliament may not be the best way to run the country but its what we have so it can't be ignored.

And for the first time in a very long time I feel hope. Hope that things can, and will, get better. Hope that there may actually be a future.

Hope that people will matter more than banks.

So two messages.

One, for everyone who told me I was stupid to stick with the labour party. Fuck off.

And to the Blairites who have had a hold on my party for 20 years.

You can't keep it. I will fight for it from within as long as I have breath and no amount of sneering or flinching will stop me flying the red flag.

#Thegeographyteachercometh