Something a little bit different this time. My lovely friend Tina is really tiny. I am pretty tall "!for a girl" (ew, fuck off)
It occurred to me that these were two sides of the same Traditional Beauty Ideals coin.
So, I am posting her thoughts about being short and then mine about being tall.
Amazing the parallels... One might almost posit that the problem is Patriarchy.
Short Stories - Appearanceism
The brilliantly written guest post that Deeva published recently about fat shaming made me think about the shaming, taunting and general bullying that occurs about not only being fat, but one’s appearance in general. I have thus invented the word “appearanceism”.
I have heard and seen people being berated for all manner of appearance “defects” in my life. Big nose, big ears, short, tall, fat thin – you name it, someone’s got something to say about it and it’s hardly ever good. It’s none of anyone else’s business what you look like. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to look.
I have come across a lot of stick in my life for my size. I am now, as a fully growed up adult (allegedly) 4’10” tall. Yes, that’s short. I know that. I don’t need to be told on a daily basis with a gasp of incredulity that I’m small. Being small has its advantages but also a lot of disadvantages.
When I was at primary school, it quickly became the case that I couldn’t go outside at playtime and interact with the other kids. This is because they insisted on picking me up and swinging me around – just because they could. This was extremely dangerous for me in case I was dropped so I had to go and stand outside the staff room each and every break time. Fun? No, absolutely not. Even now, people will pick me up and hold me aloft like a rag doll. It’s really, really annoying!
I am always being asked if I buy children’s clothes. The reaction when I say no is often an angry “why not?” Er, well, because firstly they LOOK like children’s clothes and secondly, children do not have boobs and hips so they simply do not fit! And you simply wouldn’t believe how many people will argue this point!
On a daily basis, people think it’s funny to continually go on and on about my height. Even people I consider to be close friends just will not let it lie. It’s boring, it’s tiresome, it’s annoying and often very upsetting. I’m a person, not a measurement and not a figure of fun for others’ amusement. I try to take it all in good part but I’m 50 years old now and I think it’s about time I was treated like an adult and not like a child simply because I am the height of one. If I react badly, I’m told I have no sense of humour.
Another bone of contention is weight. I don’t like to say what I weigh because people say it isn’t enough. However, I am in proportion and my BMI is within the normal range for whatever that’s worth (a whole different topic!). I follow a careful eating plan – I won’t call it a diet. If I refuse cake, biscuits, dessert etc, once again the hostility often appears: “Pah! You don’t need to lose weight! Look at you! You can eat what you like” (usually said whilst waving the contraband under my nose). No, I can’t eat whatever I like. I am the shape I am because I eat carefully and I exercise. A lot.
I am lucky to be relatively “normal” looking, height notwithstanding. Some poor folk are unlucky enough to have some sort of prominent birthmark or, as I say above, ears or nose rather larger than average. These “faults” come under a huge amount of fire from those who consider themselves perfect enough to be able to pass judgement. In my youth I knew one poor lass who was universally called Splodgeface due to a birthmark on her face. I didn’t know her very well but I saw her in tears more than once.
Another target for a lot of people is ginger hair. What? Why? What is wrong with having red hair? It’s beautiful and yet, somehow, it’s perceived as wrong. I just don’t get it and I hate the fact that these gorgeous looking people are persecuted for it.
I could go on and on, but you get the picture. A person’s appearance is not what they are about. What they are about is the personality inside. That person has feelings and emotions and does not deserve, for example, to have “Oi, Big Ears, where’s Noddy?” yelled after them. Stop. Engage brain before opening gob. Then maybe take the time to find out what the “weirdo” is really like before you go insulting them.
Tall Tales - Internalising Being Unfeminine
My height has long been an issue for me. I am the tallest one in my family. A family of petite women.
I'm taller than both my parents and all of my siblings. Including the boys.
I'm taller than my female cousin.
I'm taller than most women.
And boy, have I felt it.
Why? Because society makes tall women feel unfeminine. Other.
There are exceptions of course, supermodels are tall and held up as bastions of beauty. But what if you're as tall as one, but not as slim or 'beautiful'? (don't get me started on body policing and definitions of beauty) Then you have failed at being feminine. Again.
And heaven forbid you are taller than your man! This is still noteworthy in a society that sees tall women as less feminine. I tower over The Lovely when I am in heels. Should it matter? No. Have I been conditioned to believe it does? Yes. Do I let it stop me wearing heels? Sometimes.
So I buy beautiful shoes then just look at them.
As a teenager, surrounded by petite feminine women I was referred to as gangly and lanky. I have always had quite a deep, husky voice too, and hence was called manly. I was ungraceful, a tomboy, not a proper girl. That I walked around stooped over at the shoulders in a vain attempt to disguise my height just added to this.
There were those (usually men) who referred to me as Amazonian and Statuesque, but as I had already internalised the messages from my family this felt like a polite way of saying unfeminine. A bit like saying big boned instead of fat (don't even start me on fat shaming).
And what of being an Amazon? What images does that word bring? Strong? Sassy? Warrior like? Sexy? You know what, not only is that a hell of a thing to live up to, but it suggests that tall women can't have their insecurities just like everyone else. It also enables the patronising and infantalising of short women who struggle to be taken seriously. My friend Wendy put it best when she said 'when people can look down on you physically they do it mentally too.'
Sometimes my height has been fetishised. There are men and women who positively drool over my height. That made me feel like an object, a freak and contributed to my feeling of otherness.
ROLL UP! ROLL UP AND SEE THE TALL WOMAN IN HER HEELS WITH HER LONG LEGS AND MASSIVE BOOBS! TWO TICKETS FOR A POUND!
Just no. I'm not here to be objectified or fetishised.
This may be a shock, but our height does not define our personality any more than our hair or eye colour. Redheads are not more fiery, green eyes don't mean you are more passionate. And I say this as someone with green eyes.
It's just genetics. I'm tall. Society should just get over it. I know I will.
And I will wear the beautiful shoes.
So if you really feel you must describe me in terms of my height, how about just saying tall. That'll do, you know.
And fuck anyone who is threatened by my being tall. It says more about you than it does about me.
