On Catching My Breath

Well. What a summer that was! So much stuff to tell you. Good, bad, indifferent. Been a while since I blogged so gonna treat this like a bit of a catch up. Which to be honest it is for me too. Sometimes I need to catch my breath and reflect or I become overwhelmed with it all. This is me just trying to be whelmed.

So, where to start?

I got a new job. My dream job and I love it. I love not being micro managed. I love not having to split my time between Union Organising and a day job. Organising is my day job and I am being treated like a grown up by my colleagues and my manager. Things at home are even better as I am fulfilled at work and feel like I actually have something to say in the evenings rather than "well, I managed to put some washing on."

Been a bit of a trip getting here to be honest. After a job where the bullying was so rife that one of the managers is under investigation for falsifying documents about me in an attempt to strip me of my redundancy payment by sacking me, this feels good. Bit of a culture shock that I will have to get used to , but good.

Was weird when I left the old job. I was so mentally poorly and I had built up my LAST DAY as a thing that would fix all ills. I thought that once I was free that it would all be magically better. It still
took a good couple of months of wobbles and a couple of times not being able to physically move before I started to get back to me. One of those wobbles was at Glastonbury and I missed seeing Metallica because of it. Fuck you brain. That was mean.

Things have got better though. Just took time. I got a couple of tattoos and met The lovely's parents. I took my bestie away to York for the night and went on a ghost walk where I played the part of a menacingly shimmying nun. Was supposed to be shimmering, but the shimmying got more laughs. I do a great shimmy.

Not so great stuff was Reeva's killer being found not guilty of murder. Yes, I know all about the law and stuff but it just doesn't feel like justice you know?

Being at a point where I am not out at work again. I really hadn't realised how important this was to me till I changed jobs. So, new colleagues reading this, I am bisexual. If you want to know more then find my post on Three Little Words.

Other not so great stuff was my stupid brain trying to sabotage me now that I am really really happy. Had a dream that I had dreamed the past three years of my life and was still with the abusive ex. Even having a poo didn't help. My brain was like 'of course you would dream you poo. How else would we convince you it was real.'. Well fuck you brain, my life is real, it is wonderful and I do deserve it.

Other good stuff, learning to crochet. It is messy and difficult and the cushion cover I am currently working on is going to look JUST AWFUL but it is mine. And I am sure I will get better with practice.

Other good stuff. Learning to be more honest with my friends. Actually going out and doing stuff. Laughing. Crying. Cuddling. Turkish and Bricktop.

I'm still the angry feminist you all know, I even have "this is what a feminist looks like" tattooed on my foot (so it is the last thing misogynists see before I kick them in the face) and I am going to be ranting angry on here much more I expect, but you know what? I am more at peace with myself than I have been for a while.

If this doesn't scare you, you haven't been paying attention.