'Real' Women Quite Like Quiche

Just got back from Tolpuddle Martyrs Festival.

I am broken, recharged and excited about the future of trade unionism all in one go.

If you haven't been, you really should.  I had a great time. I saw bands I had never heard of, went to a great presentation on social media at the O Zone and survived The Great Thunderstorms. I met up with comrades I hadn't seen for a year, met new ones that I had only ever talked to on Twitter and got the coaches loaded and unloaded smoothly and with dancing and singing with the marchers.

And the Young Feminist session entered it's second year. So proud of the women who are working hard to bring the concept to the heart of Trade Unionism. SO PROUD.

But this is only peripherally a post on Tolpuddle. What I really wanted to talk about was the concept of 'Real Women' and who perpetuates the myth that they actually exist.

Real Women have thigh gaps is the latest thing I have heard. I have also read that Real Women have curves. Oh, Real Women are skinny too. Real Women don't diet and Real Women look after their men. Shit, Real Women do/don't do ironing. Real Women do/don't act like one of the boys. Real Women have it all! Real Women don't sleep around. Real Women have active sex lives. Real Women cook. Real Women....

FOR FUCK'S SAKE CAN WE JUST STOP WITH THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!

There is no such thing as a Real Woman. There are just women. We are wonderful and flawed and come in all shapes and sizes. We have different views and different dreams.

And saying 'Real Women do X Y and Z' while holding that up as an example of solidarity is not only misleading, but sisters, it plays right into the hands of the patriarchal system of our oppression that LIKES to see us divided and playing women off against each other.

While we are fighting amongst ourselves we are not fighting oppression. We are calling each other sluts and judging each other on our choices, our body shapes and our clothing. We are buying into the idea that if we didn't wear heels/short skirts/get drunk/go out of the house/be so sexy all the damn time that we wouldn't get raped. We are using language that vilifies our sisters while patriarchy laughs at us and carries on as normal.

We do ourselves harm when we talk about Real Women.

So how about we change the conversation. How about this as a starting point.

Women are individual autonomous beings with their own hopes and dreams.

There. That wasn't so difficult was it?

Let's expand on this. Women are individual autonomous beings with their own hopes and dreams. We come in all shapes and sizes. Some of us were assigned the wrong gender at birth. Some of us have active sex lives. Some of us aren't bothered. Some of us go to work. Some of us don't. Some of us have children. Some of us don't want them. Some of us wear make up, some of us don't. Some of us are happy or sad, gay or straight or bi, fat, skinny, smooth, hairy, shallow, deep, kind, mean, money driven, poor.

There are no Real Women, just Women.

So when I am told I am ugly inside and out with a stupid hair cut because I expressed an opinion that Israel should stop killing children it doesn't bother me because a) I really don't give a fuck what you think of me as I do my hair for me, not you and b) bless you for thinking that that will stop me expressing my opinion.

And when a certain photograph of me with a bear goes viral and someone remarks sarcastically that I am a looker then fuck you too. I am not bothered.

You see I am a woman who denies the concept of Real Women and I don't need you to validate me thank you very much.

I am a woman. All of us who identify as women are women. And we don't need to be Real. We just need to stand together and be us.

Solidarity sisters!

Deeva xxx