Remember December?

What a difference a year makes. This time last year I was a mess. Haunted by memories, confused to shit about my love life. Generally fucked up. Nearly incapable of carrying on. 

http://goddessdeeva.blogspot.co.uk/2011/12/happy-fucking-xmas.html?m=1 refers. (sorry about lack of hyperlink, doing this via email)

This year is different. I seem to have banished my December Demons. Evil fucking things they were. Tried to suck the joy out of every waking moment, which by and large they succeeded in doing. Bastards had me paralysed from the 1st to the 31st. For 12 fucking years.

Not this year. This year I am winning. December is just another month, and one I am enjoying.

So, what changed?

Me.

I learned to trust myself. To trust my instincts. To open up. To be  not fearless, but brave. To speak up. To be me.

This has been amazing. Liberating. Illuminating. And it has paid dividends in my life.

I am in what is probably the first healthy relationship of my life. Me and The Lovely connect, respect each other and listen when something is wrong. Then change it. And we laugh and we love. And articulate this. And support. And are unafraid of how we feel. And are happy. No drama, no games, no bottling shit up.

I have a more grown up relationship with my daughter. It's healthy. It's fun, mutually respectful and it's loving. Hasn't been easy to get here, has taken real work and many tears on both sides, but we're there. I'm incredibly proud of the woman she is.

I have the most incredible support network, both in real life and on Twitter. They have supported me through thick and thin, and even more importantly, they have let me support them right back.

Wonderful Owl, Tortoise, Fox and Broad. Thank you. Just thank you <3

I am finally looking forward to Christmas. I can't wait to wear the hat, drape myself in tinsel, decorate the tree and put a bit of Greg Lake on.

I'm going on my works Christmas do this year. And actively looking forward to it.

Yes, I have bad memories of December that stretch back years. But you know what? Fuck them. They will not own me and I'm too busy making new memories to care.

So (always bearing diversity in mind) SEASONS GREETINGS ONE AND ALL!