Woke up in a very good mood this morning. Read an excellent blog on the slut shaming of Sarah Catt by the fantastic @magiczebras (Link should now be active, have a look, it rocks) and settled into a 4 hour train journey.
Then I got into a discussion with someone on Facebook about her.
It wasn't a flame war, it was, and continues to be a calm, rational debate, but the more I replied, the more annoyed I got.
Here is why.
Sarah Catt has been sentenced to 8 years for inducing labour with poison. Not gonna condone or even comment on that. That is a whole other discussion and very likely a whole other blog. What has induced the rage is the way teh meeja has painted her past actions as abhorrent and 'proof' that she is evil, and really, her past actions made this act, for which she has been sentenced for EIGHT FUCKING YEARS an inevitability.
Let's break it down.
She had an affair with a co worker. *shrugs* So what? Oh, I see this makes her a slut doesn't it? Silly me for not remembering that the co worker was to be absolved of all responsibility for contraception and shizz because she is a bad woman. Beware, anyone who is having an affair, you might end up in prison because obviously you are an evil woman who teh menz can't resist with your evil, wiley ways because they are, like, men.
She put a child up for adoption. Legally.
She had an abortion. Legally.
Listen carefully, because this is important. Women do this all the time. It does not lead to inducing labour with poison, nor does it equate to it. There, that was easy wasn't it? You're welcome.
Why I am so fucking angry is because, regardless of what she did, the meeja are painting a picture of Sarah Catt as without remorse, using the affair, the abortion and the adoption as 'evidence'.
Patriarchal bullshit. Women make legal choices about their bodies and lives every fucking day. Some of them are sad about them, some are nonchalant. None of them should ever have to be sorry for them.
Expecting women who make these choices to forever wander the streets heads shaved, wearing sack cloth, wringing their hands while crying mea culpa is misogynist, smug and undermines everything I stand for as a woman.
Shove your slut shaming. And fuck off while doing so.
they've basically tried to do some profiling using her past behaviour to suggest that perhaps her current behaviour is in keeping with it. personally, i'm not convinced by this (seems more like a cry for help than anything else).
ReplyDeleteshe studied maths at university, so she's a bright, intelligent woman. she's been denied abortions in the past for going over the legal cut-off point. she's been pregnant and knows the symptoms.
worse, for me, is the fact that she's concealed things from her partner (an affair and several pregnancies).
that's the societal norm that we live in: affairs are seen as a horrible thing to do to your partner. it's not even an issue of patriarchy: it's a *relationship* issue. it's an *honesty* issue. being called on having an affair is something that happens to both sexes, and is frowned upon by both sexes. the fact that she's a woman makes no difference to the fact that an affair is deceptive, harmful behaviour. it doesn't matter who cheats on who: it's abhorrent behaviour. if you want to be with someone else, just be honest about it. sometimes it's not even the end of the relationship. but in a relationship, both people have a duty to the other to be open an honest. and that's got nothing to do with a patriarchal society, and everything to do with common decency.
so there ;)
See now I'm gonna have to commment. In particular about the idea that having an affair is abhorrent. Granted, having an affair is never nice or easy but it isn't always about dishonesty. For example, one of the symptoms of the manic stage of bi-polar is promiscuity. It isn't a rational, conscious choice, it's something that can't be helped. Should someone in that situation be comdemned as abhorrent because they have a mental illness? And what about someone in a violent or abusive relationship, who then meets and falls in love with someone that genuinely loves them in return? They may want to be honest about wanting to end one relationship to begin another but are completely unable to because of a tangible fear for their life. Should they also be comdemned as abhorrent?
ReplyDeleteLife is never black and white and to vilify anyone in these circumstances without walking a mile in their shoes is to me far more abhorrent than having an affair.
@fifitrixybell there's always a choice. if you want to be promiscuous, end the relationship first. be honest with your partner - tell them you want to sleep around. as for 'walking a mile', my wife is currently under treatment for depression. i've been through it myself. at no point have either of us used that as an excuse to cheat on the other person.
ReplyDeleteas for abusive relationships, that's really clutching at straws. if you want out, get out. there's plenty of help available. if you're genuinely in fear of your life, that's what the police are for - let alone family, friends, or this new partner. if you're too scared to leave, but not scared enough to prevent you from having an affair, it's an excuse.
so yes, having an affair is abhorrent behaviour no matter what the excuse. trying to justify it doesn't make it any less abhorrent. you can argue for diminished responsibility if you like, but it doesn't make the act any less abhorrent. murder is still murder even when someone is suffering from mental illness. just because there's an excuse or a reason for the behaviour doesn't suddenly make it acceptable behaviour.
the other point you're making is that i'm not calling the person who has an affair abhorrent. i'm saying that their *behaviour* is abhorrent. there's a world of difference between the two. the map is not the territory.
The same bullshit behaviours apply in courts over rape cases when women are painted as asking for it because they had rhe audacity to sleep even once with a bloke and enjoyed it! This of course makes her a slut and therefore somone impossible to be raped! With regard to this woman, seems the media claim the pregnancy was almost at full term, hence the accusation of being an evil murdering woman. No mention of course of physical and emotional pain endured by the woman as she went through the induced birth. 8 yrs in prison is an appalling sentance especially when you consider sane premeditated rapists raely get that!! Case of treating women far worse than men in the justice system. P. S. Blades comment about abusive relationships is offensive and exemplifies an ignorance of the issues involved. Opinions based on no knowledge of the subject being commented upon are mere prejudices as opoosed to opinions.
ReplyDeleteI have been in an abusive relationship myself (both physical and emotional abuse), so your comments are invalid. rather than have an affair or cheat I ended the relationship. her behavior may have been unacceptable to me, but that doesn't give me the right to behave badly in return. so, actually, I *am* speaking from experience. I would suggest that your own comments are less likely to be based on personal experience than mine.
Delete*you* are responsible for your own behaviour. using someone else's behavior to justify your own is an excuse. it's childish behaviour that I don't excuse in my toddler. the instant you choose not to exercise your autonomy is the instant you lose it. if you are offended by that then you've got bigger issues to worry about than my opinion.
Gonna let this continue unmoderated for now because it's interesting to me especially re personal autonomy, which is my start and end point for everything. Keep it clean.though boys. Swearing is more than permitted though.
ReplyDelete