This is from the amazing Fiona Fairless who has been my very good friend for a very long time.
She is exactly the type of person that this government hates.
Register to vote then vote them out. Please.
Over the last few weeks I've been toying with writing about living with an invisible disability. I've been finding things quite hard recently, for a number of external reasons, but it's made me think hard about my attitude.
I have a condition called Fibromyalgia. It came on suddenly following a virus, there is no cure and very little in the way of treatment. It is a neurological condition and so can affect pretty much any part of the body, causing acute pain, spasms, fatigue and a host of other symptoms on a scale ranging from irritating to life changing.
I look no different now than I did the day before I acquired the condition and this in itself causes issues.
I have had the authorities, doctors, even friends and family question my situation.
Comments about how it would get better if I lost weight. Comments about whether it's just a symptom of mental health concerns. Questions about why I should be entitled to benefits - these were from a family member. Being told how nice it must be that I don't have to work now.
I can't articulate in sensible language the impact comments like that have. I want to scream in their faces that they should try being me for a day before they comment but then I realise the futility of that.
They would need to be me, all day, every day to appreciate the life sentence I have been given.
Even worse are those who tell me they understand.
NO YOU FUCKING DON'T. You don't understand because you are not in my situation and you are not me. You have no idea what it feels like to feel trapped in your own home because you are too exhausted to go out.
You have no idea how humiliating it is to have to ask for help to get dressed, to wash your hair. You have no idea how un-sexy you feel having to wash yet another set of clothes because you couldn't get to the bathroom in time. You have no idea how angry it makes you feel when you can't wash up because your hands hurt too much to grip the dishcloth.
Anger is something I am having to battle with a great deal at the moment. I feel so angry and not because I am disabled. I learnt to deal with that a long time ago. I am angry because of other peoples attitudes and ideas about MY disability. One day I hope I can find a calm place in life where I can be at peace with my condition, where I can feel guiltless about what my condition means and where I can be free from idiots who think they are thinking before they speak.
Until then I just have one wish. If you have a shred of doubt, an iota of a lack of compassion or simply have no consideration of me, then leave me the fuck alone. Don't comment, don't look, just walk on by.
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| Member of the Feral Underclass and all round Good Egg, Fiona can usually be found either away with the fairies or singing to power ballad. She loves a good power ballad does our Fiona. |
