Enjoy!
Slap *is* a Feminist Issue,
(or Just *how many* eye liners are *too many* eyeliners...?)
So, here's the upfront anti-spoiler alert. The 'Slap' in this GoddessDeeva guest blog isn't about domestic violence or violence against women, against men or any people of trans- or non-binary gender. No, no, no.
For the record, by 'Slap' I use the word here in the sense that most women I know, plus how various actors, dancers, wardrobe mistresses and several transvestites of my genuine acquaintance use it, namely make-up, beauty products, that stuff. You know - the mascara, lippy, eye liner (guy liner) bit of face-colouring goo? Yes, that. Everyone sitting comfortably? OK, let's move on...
I'll 'fess up. I have an absolutely *HUGE* collection of Slap. Monumental. Trays, boxes, bags, metric feck-tonnes of the stuff. Lots of my Slap haul has been gathered through free samples and gifts from tactical buying on posh beauty counters over the years, where samples are loyalty currency, but I confess that I have spent a small fortune on the stuff. (And yes, I know that there are several teenage daughters of my friends who are actively lobbying to inherit said Slap collection when I die. Hum.)
As an aside, I remember in the early 1980s (when I was an undergraduate university student) that The Slap was a front-line feminist issue. In the sense that, on one side, there were women living in bender camps in freezing conditions surrounding the US nuclear missile base at Greenham Common, and it was cool, right on, not to indulge. Armpit hair was A Thing, almost trendy. And yet, at the same time when I was a student, when the New Romantics were "It", and those first year uni bands like The Cure, My Bloody Valentine, The Wedding Present, Pixies, were super cool, uni students wore more Slap than I'd ever seen or knew how to deal with at that age. You can't be a proper pale-faced Goth without a trowel-load of The Slap, right? (Not as if I liked most of that music, but, hey, I duly back-combed my hair and learned how to do proper eyeliner. Ish. I was rubbish at it, and I looked crap.)
So what changed over 20+ years? I realised that The Slap has proper super-power, true purpose for most women. Let me be clear, this isn't at all about wearing makeup to look pretty for a man, for a partner, for a date, for sex. No. Can't be arsed. Sod off with that. I wear my Slap for myself alone, with no obligation towards anyone else. (And let's face it, my husband Clive has seen me more often Without than With The Slap. No probs. He used to wear more Slap professionally (and with four inch heels) than I ever have, but that's another blog story...)
However, I'll put it out here that there's a HUGE confidence boost for all women that comes from The Slap. Just ask Macmillan nurses why they take bags of lovely lipstick into hospital wards to help women recovering from cancer and chemo. It helps women who feel like shit feel as if they can face the day, face life again. It has power, in the way that gravity as the weakest force in the universe has power. Huge power.
So here it is. I'm just laying it out here in GoddessDeeva space that Slap is a deeply feminist issue. It allows, it facilitates, it strengthens so many women to go out daily into the (mostly male-dominated) workplace and (dominated by the patriarchy) world feeling just that bit more confident, that bit more Can Do, maybe a little bit more Empress of the Universe. It says soft,y, so quietly "Yes, Khaleesi, you can rule the world. I understand you may have needed a bit of Slap to stand up and claim your rightful place in the world order. That's OK. Nice shade of lippy, btw. OK, let's go rule the world."
That's all OK by me. Excellent, in fact. Why not?
So I'll reserve my right to paint my fingernails some dark, gothic colour while yelling at Newsnight or Question Time. Nail polish does not dim my intellect. Nor does it impair my dim view of selfish, bigoted, money-driven politicians on all sides. I can wear this season's most fashionable shade of Chanel nail polish and still argue the political toss.
If I have a Big Meeting to go to, one where I need to be shiny and full of win, I'll Slap Up. Skin-matched base, concealer, neutral blended eye, mascara, eyeliner, lip liner perfect. The Works. No shit. I got this. And frankly, I know it works. I'll go into that meeting feeling just that bit better prepared, better armoured. Teflon on. And I'll win.
Game on. So, get that mascara and lippy on. Let's go run the world...
