Feeling Groovy

My clothes rail fell down during the night.

Doesn't seem like a big thing till you realise that even a few weeks ago this would have had me either crying with hopelessness or mournfully resigned to picking it up.

That I felt neither of these things has been a quiet revelation to me.

Not sure exactly when the change came. Was it when I moved out of the town I was living in to the place I now reside? (those of you who need to know the locations already know)

Was it when I realised that I would no longer have to look over my shoulder for my ex, his family or his friends? This had more of an effect on me than I actually realised. I was a prisoner in my own home. I'd had crippling headaches through the stress of it and it's only now they've gone that I appreciate how bad they were.

Was it knowing I would no longer have to miss The Lovely, who is gently snoring next to me even as he reaches out to try and hold my hand? *takes a moment to look over and smile at how lucky I am*

Was it realising that people are actually generous, kind, thoughtful and lovely? (BIG shout out to @lenarbena @mrsgakamrsb @yokelbear @laydee_k88 and @tangent69 without whom the move would have been totally stressful).

Was it realising I was actually finally free? Freedom to walk around without fear, freedom to actually be myself, freedom to love and be loved for who I am. Freedom to help others as much as I can.

Freedom to actually be happy and not feel guilty about that.

It's heady, intoxicating stuff and I'm loving it.

Now, I'm fully expecting a barrage of calls from my ex now I've emerged from the woodwork but I won't be answering them. And for the first time in a long time I won't be scared.

I'll be busy putting my clothes rail up.

Smiling.