CW being triggered, gaslighting and abusive creepy behaviour.
It has been nearly two weeks since I saw you last and yet you are still heavily in my thoughts. I wish I could say this was for good reasons but I can't.
I have been to work, been out with family, played with my kittens, done all of my day to day things and yet you are in my head.
Especially when I sleep.
The nightmares are back you see. Lucid and scary and full of adrenaline sweats. The theme of these most recent of night terrors is being vulnerable and not believed.
I go to festivals a lot. It is my time to be me and until this one and your creepy behaviour it had never occurred to me that I was vulnerable.
This has made me feel unsafe and will mean that the whole festival experience is sullied for me now so fuck you.
Fuck you for attracting my attention by stroking me on the back of the arm from behind. Even though I have asked you not to.
Fuck you for denying you do this.
Fuck you for suggesting that you get ice cubes for my nipples when the sun heated up my piercings.
Fuck you for lying about it and saying it never happened even though other people who were there later apologised for their part in that conversation.
Fuck you for watching me sleep. Fuck you most of all for that. Fuck you for being there staring at me in a creepy way when I woke up.
Fuck you for denying this was creepy and saying that you were watching me for my own good as I was making 'strange noises'. Fuck you for saying 'everyone was concerned' when you were alone watching me.
Fuck you for calling me a liar.
Fuck you for being the Queen of the Call Out then blocking me so I couldn't reply.
Fuck you for playing the victim in this when others have come forward to tell me about your inappropriate behaviour with them.
Fuck you for trying to make me doubt the truth.
Just fuck you.
I will get through this and be back to my sassy self soon enough. I will go to festivals again and not let you put me off one of the things that brings me joy.
I will get through dreaming that my eyes are being burned with cigarettes.
But until then,
Fuck you.
