On Being Put Back In Our Place #YesAllWomen

I have just heard about the shooting in Santa Barbara and am writing this while dreadfully upset so apologies if it comes out a bit disjointed.

A man has killed seven women and injured seven more in 'retribution' for women not sleeping with him. He said he would 'slaughter' them and he did.

UPDATE: IT NOW EMERGES THAT HE HAS KILLED SIX. THREE MEN AND THREE WOMEN. THIS IS STILL MALE VIOLENCE PERPETRATED BECAUSE OF MISOGYNY AND HATRED FOR WOMEN.

Slaughter them. Like women are animals.

Nice guy.

Now, I know I should have a bit of perspective on this because this is at the end of the scale of male violence but fuck it, I feel unsafe again.

See, what happens is that we get into the habit of shouting back at street harassers. We shout back and we feel good. We feel empowered and we feel a bit safer.

We have a zero tolerance policy on sexism and harassment in our workplaces and we start to feel like we are making a difference. And it feels good.

We feel the strength of our sisters with us as we join arms and SHOUT THE FUCK BACK!!!

For a short time it feels like we are winning.

We get lulled into a false sense of security.

We forget that we have to fucking well risk assess going to the shop for milk.

We forget that at any time one of the men we shout back at could well turn nasty.

We forget our place.

And now we have been reminded. This 'nice guy' has reminded us that if we put them in the 'friend zone' we do so at our own risk.

We lose that sense of security. We will be extra vigilant. We will check what our nice guy friends are saying as we lose trust. Shroedingers rapist will become a thing again as we wonder if we will ever be safe.

And that is what they want sisters. They want us to know our place, to kowtow to them and allow ourselves to be owned by them, ruled by them, treated as if we are animals by them.

It'll be ok if we just fuck them when they want to be fucked.

NOT ON MY WATCH!

This has to remind us that we have to keep fighting. When our sisters get gunned down because a man didn't get his dick wet we owe it to them and to ourselves to keep shouting back. To keep asserting our autonomy, to keep wanting to be safe.

It may well be not all men who commit violence against women but it is all women who fear violence from men.

And it has to stop now. So I won't stop shouting back.

RIP sisters. I'm sorry this happened to you.