I know I am beautiful and strong and funny and intelligent and political and a dork and all of that stuff that makes me attractive.
And I know that not being a prick about all of those things make you want me more.
I know that you want to get in my pants.
I know all of the above because you tell me. I have been hearing it since I was 14 years old. There is nothing new you can add.
However, I don't want to fuck you. I want friends of all genders and I want them to see me as a person first and a vagina and a pair of tits second.
I don't want someone who will pretend to be my friend to get into my knickers.
So, I'll break it to you like this.
It isn't me, it's you.
It isn't that I have a boyfriend, though this is true.
It isn't that I am in a committed relationship though this is true also.
It isn't that if you were taller/shorter/more buff/had better hair that I would change my mind.
It isn't that I am a stuck up cunt.
It isn't that I am frigid.
It isn't that I am a lesbian.
It isn't that I don't appreciate nice guys.
You know what? You are not a nice guy.
You think that I owe you.
You think I owe you sex because you have invested the time in getting to know me.
You think that I owe you my time and my vagina because you have taken the time to get to know me and make me trust you.
And when I don't want to have sex with you, you say I have put you in the friendzone.
The friendzone, where all the nice guys languish because women just don't appreciate them. The friendzone where you have to watch us with other, brutish men and you just don't get it. The friendzone which is your booby prize, second place.
Well, it isn't me, it's you.
It's you with your outdated idea that you should have access to a woman's body just because you have been nice to her.
It's you with your sense of entitlement.
It's you with your nice guys finish last mantra and your sulks that friendship is all you are getting out of me.
It isn't me, it's you.
If you think that my friendship is the second prize you get coz I don't want to jump on your dick, then you will find yourself in the fuck off zone.
*women chat me up too but not one of them have ever sulked because I said no.
These "nice guys" don't seem to realise that we women feel cheated - we've been conned into trusting someone as a friend who doesn't actually want or value our friendship and just sees it as a step towards a shag.
ReplyDeleteWe need your bulletpoints printed onto a flyer to distribute when entitled little boys whinge about the FriendZone. We can call it Welcome To The Fuck Off Zone.
I agree with Magnetic Flea!
ReplyDeleteI had been (what I thought) was friends with a man for 6 years, we had worked together and after we both got new jobs would meet for dinner, coffee and when I was really ill he came to see me. During this time I was in a long term, committed relationship.
This relationship came to an end and, as you do, you turn to friends for comfort and cheer. Arranged to meet my friend for dinner and drinks and a catch up.
I hadn't had sex in over two years (one of the reasons my relationship ended) and thought sleeping with my friend would be safe, no relationship required, just my friend and I, nothing more than sex and a laugh together, I trusted him. Turns out after 6 years this is all he wanted, we slept together, he left at 4am and never called. Ever. Again.
It took me a while to realise that this was actually nothing to do with me, nothing to do with how good I was in bed (since been confirmed by someone awesome that I have nothing to worry about there!) and it had everything to do with a man feeling he was owed.
yep, agree with you both!
ReplyDeleteI realise what I posted above is nothing compared with what women go through daily but that is the very first time I have ever told anyone.
ReplyDeleteAnd I apologise for sort of thinking like this a few years ago. Aside from having not really grown up there was another problem, which a number of women pushed as it happens, ie the whole "nice guy" thing. It sets it up as a sort sense of entitlement, that if we're nice to people (unconnected to whether we want to get into said person's pants or not) then we could naturally get anyone who we actually did want. Takes a fair bit of effort to get over it, especially if an attraction for a friend develops, but yeah if you (generally aimed at men, and actually at some women as well) can't move past that then you need to rethink your worldview.
ReplyDeleteAwsome post.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who considers himself a Feminist I admit that I was initially a bit puzzled as to why some folks had a problem with the term and concept. However reading around I have come to understand just how narciscistic, misogynisitic and rooted in a sense of false male priviledge this is rooted in and how it perpetuates these ills.
I also think that this is just another example of how these misiogyinist values creep into our culture without many folks,even well intentioned and informed folks' notice.
Thanks for helping folks understand and thanks for speaking the truth.
Thanks for your comments and fir taking the time to read it x
ReplyDelete