100 Days Of Honest - Day One.

Been seeing this 100 days of happy thing here and there and thought I might want to give it a go without putting too much pressure on myself.

I had a think and decided that people where what made me happiest but they might not know that.

So I have decided to do something a bit different and do 100 days of honest.

Every day I will be telling two people what I honestly think of them.  That is 200 people to let know how I feel.

Feel free to share, to join in, to take part or not.

You never know, you might see your name on here!

Will be updating here when I can.

Day one:

Dear Kaliegh,

I am so bloody proud of you. I know it can get lonely when people around you just don't get it and try to dissuade you from your beliefs because they make them uncomfortable. It is them who need to wake up and change, not you. Never change my eco warrior, feminist, anti racist, left wing beautiful wife. I love you not just for who you are now but also for who you will continue to grow to be xxxx

Dear Carol, 

you are one of my best friends and I love you. Your spirit, your generosity, your loyalty, your sense of humour and your fight is what makes you you. Never change Ada. Not ever. There are people one this planet, myself included who have learned patience from you and are lucky to be able to call you their friend. I count myself privileged to be among them xxxxxx

On Why Language Matters

Been musing on this subject for a while.

Words are powerful. Words inform the narrative. Words influence what and how we approach a subject.

When the subjects you approach with alarming regularity are ones like child abuse, domestic violence, mental health, gender and sexuality you start to recognise that the more you speak and the more you listen then the more you hear the inherent bias that language holds.

For instance, paedophile. Its what we all use for disgusting human beings who abuse children right?

I'm not comfortable with it. I'm not comfortable because it is a self coined term that means lover of children. I'm not comfortable because it is used like gay can be by people 'he looks a bit paedy' etc. This waters down its effect. Makes is somehow a thing that isn't all bad. It weakens it and trivialises child abuse and I'm not comfortable about it.

Henceforth I shall not be using it. I will be using child abuser instead.

Child porn. Makes me see red. Whether you like it or not porn is a legitimate profession where consenting adults work. (if it isn't then it isn't porn, its abuse imo).

Children cannot consent so it isn't child porn. Lets call it what it is. Images of child sexual abuse perpetrated by child abusers.

There, doesn't that feel better? No bias, just telling it like it is.

Date rape (now acquaintance rape apparently).

Stranger rape.

Marital rape.

For fucks sake. If he puts his penis in you without consent it is rape. Doesn't really matter who he is, he is a rapist and the different types suggest a hierarchy that frankly isn't fucking helpful.

Lets just call it what it is. Rape.

See what happens when we name things is that they become more real to us. The language when not wrapped up in other softer, more gentle, more genteel wording becomes stark. And we need that if we are to tackle the issues at all honestly.

There are words that dehumanise. Tranny is one of them. I'm sure you can come up with some that anger you too.

And don't refer to me as a girl if you are referring to my colleagues as men.

Don't tell me I have balls. I don't.

Don't tell me I'm accepted as being one of the lads.

Don't use sexist, homophobic, ableist language in front of me and call it banter.

I have zero tolerance for it.

Language matters.

You might want to watch yours.

On Zero Tolerance For Dickheads

I mentioned in my last post that I have just got back from Women's TUC Conference. While there I seconded motion 23 which called for zero tolerance for bullying and harassment in the workplace.

My speech went down quite well and I have been asked to reproduce it so I thought I would do so here.

Chair, sisters.

On monday a senior manager called me darling. I gave him a gob full, and he apologised, so I let him live.

On tuesday a colleague snuck up behind me and poked me. I gave him a gob full and he apologised, so I let him live.

Yesterday on my way here I got talking to a man on the train about where I was going. He asked who I had to sleep with in the union to get here. I gave him a gob full and he apologised, so I let him live.

This morning as I went to the shop at 6.45 to buy toothpaste a man shouted 'HI BIG TITS!' at me.

He's dead now.

Tomorrow I will have another story. And the day after that. And the day after that. And so will we all.

I have the confidence to shout back but not every woman does.

And we need that confidence.

Work should be a safe space. We must demand that it is a safe space. But the men won't do it so we sisters have to do it for ourselves.

Zero tolerance for bullying. Zero tolerance for sexual harassment. Zero tolerance for dickheads.

We need to go old school. We need to educate women, agitate women and organise women to have the confidence to shout back too.

Support the motion.

So this explains why I was offered alibis and asked at breakfast if I had killed anyone yet.

I managed to get through the day without doing so.

Thank you Women's TUC for an amazing conference.

Lets now practice zero tolerance for dickheads!

On FGM v Forced Male Circumcision

Just going home from Women's TUC. Had an amazing time with awesome debates and offers of alibis in case the police came to arrest me. (long story, might blog on it separately)

So I'm at Paddington station in reflective mood.

One of the things we debated this morning was Female Genital Mutilation (FGM)

Moving, horrifying.

It reminded me of a tweet I read on my way to London what now feels like an age ago asking why the uproar about FGM when forced male circumcision seems to be accepted.

Well  now, I have a couple of issues with this.

Firstly, this is WHAT ABOUT TEH MENZ??

Secondly, there isn't a general acceptance that it is ok. Certainly isn't in my book. I have tattoos and piercings and have had numerous medical procedures. But here is the thing. None of that has ever taken place without my consent.

A baby cannot consent to circumcision. Therefore, if there is no medical reason to do it, it is wrong.

I think the tweet meant to ask why aren't there big visible campaigns against forced  circumcision?

I'm gonna answer that one.

Well, it never killed anyone in childbirth.

It never killed women of toxic shock by preventing them from having free flowing periods.

It isn't done with unsterilized scissors and razors.

Boys aren't spirited away out of the country to be mutilated.

It doesn't happen as a way of subjugating men and treating them as chattel that only has value if they are marriageable.

It doesn't happen to provide sexual pleasure for women.

It doesn't lead to death threats if it isn't performed.

It doesn't affect family honour.

It isn't a crime.

So yeah, what about teh menz?

Tell you what, you start a campaign against non medical circumcision and I'll support it. I'll sign petitions, I'll attend demos. Ill be fully on board.

Two conditions though.

Firstly, YOU have to do this. I know that you're used to women doing stuff for you, but this is your thing. Set it up and I'll join you and so will my sisters.

Secondly, you have to join me and my sisters in our fight against FGM and not ask stupid fucking questions like 'what about teh menz?'

While you decide, I'll be here at Paddington station looking at women of colour and wondering how many of them have been mutilated for patriarchy.