I fucking hate December. I always have and always will. All that forced joviality, all that near panicked fun. Gotta have fun, it's CHRISTMAS!!! Season of peace and goodwill to all apparently. Time for family.
Give me a fucking break.
Seriously, if you can't have fun without it being an arbitrary date in a calendar I feel sorry for your friendships. It blatantly isn't peaceful and there is no goodwill. As for family, if you can't make each other feel special and loved all year then there is no hope for humanity.
All my worst things have happened in December. I met my first husband. The one who turned out to be gay and took my kids from me. Which was also in December as it happens.
I met my second husband in December. Not that this was a bad thing. I don't regret being married to him for nearly 10 years, but we met on xmas eve. Which will sully it forever now.
When I was 15 I had a nervous breakdown. I spent 3 weeks in the corner of my bedroom rocking while my mum refused to get medical help and my sister spat at me and kicked me for my 'weakness'.
Guess which month it was?
And today, I have given up something totally precious to me. Something beautiful and pure that made me happier than I have ever been. I gave it up for the right reasons and I really hope that it comes back to me. I'll be waiting and hoping.
At some point today I might even stop crying.
So excuse me if I don't want to take part in your fucking festivities.
I don't want to wear a party hat and fucking tinsel. I don't want to pull a fucking cracker and fake laugh at the stupid crappy joke.
Excuse me if I just lock myself away for xmas and new year and talk to nobody. Excuse me if I emerge slightly more jaded than last year.
I got a broken heart again this year. Fuck xmas.
