Happy Bi Visibility Day!!!!

Says a lot that we need a day doesn't it?

Like for the rest of the year we are skulking in the shadows, being all fancying all genders like a dirty secret.

I know that only yesterday I was travelling the city via the rooftops at night time lest I was showing my bisexuality for all to see. It was a close run thing. I was nearly spotted casting my eye over an attractive redhead with massive boobs.And then there was a woman I liked the look of too. Luckily I styled it out and walked into a lamp post instead.

PHEW.

Some of us are loud and proud. We know who we are and we refuse to hide.

Understated as ever.

Some of us aren't.

Some of us are bullied into hiding who we are by a society that doesn't get it just to save us having to explain about our sexuality again. And again. And again.

Some of us are in a monogamous relationship with someone who is of the opposite gender to us. Happily so. We don't feel the need to cheat. We don't suddenly become straight because partner with penis.

Some of us are not visible because we are gaslighted into believing that it was just a phase by abusive, insecure male partners who cannot believe that they are good enough for us and that by also being attracted to women we bring their masculinity into question and they can't have that.

Also, 'Can I watch?' No. Fuck off.

Some of us get raped as a way to 'make us straight'.

Some of us get beaten up.

Some of us get put into therapy for being 'confused'.

And when we have a relationship with a woman we are called lesbians and men still want to have a go at us.

And oh my gods can the Muckdoc press stop sexualizing and fetishising us please?

We get called greedy like because gender isn't a barrier to attraction we are having ALL OFF TEH SEX. It might be nice but personally I don't have THAT MUCH OF TEH TIMEZ and certainly not ENOUGH OF TEH ENERGY.

Just pick a side. Oh just fuck off. I refuse to play into the gender binary or your bullshit heteronormativity. Just fuck the fuck off.

And *side eyes LGBT community* more needs to be done to include us. So that we are not just this sexy threat who will steal your man and your woman (or non binary person) but we are seen as people. People who just happen to not see gender as a barrier to attraction.

That way we might be safer.

That way we might not have to kill ourselves or do irreparable damage to our mental health.

That way, instead of skulking around like Dr Lesbo and Ms Straight we will be able to just say hello. Here I am.

So happy bi visibility day.

I look forward to the day we don't need it.

Not greedy. Not confused. Just bisexual.

On Being Furious At People Missing The Fucking Point

I was a bit hot and bothered last night and it made me grumpy. The Lovely was sleeping but I was too restless. Then I saw something on Twitter that pissed me the fuck off so I went on a bit of a rant using the hashtag #missingthefuckingpoint.

I thought I'd reproduce and add to it here. Explaining the things that made me so angry. It wasn't all on the one day, this had been coming a while and it felt good to get that rage out.

Buckle up, this is going to be a bumpy ride. Here we go...

'Not all men are sexist assholes. Some of us are trying to do the right thing and get you the equality you want'

No. Equality is mine by right, not because I want it. You want to be a good feminist ally? Listen and understand that by choice or not you are part of the patriarchy that damages us all. I'm sure you are a nice guy but being all defensive about your gender is not forwarding making that gender unimportant.

If you try to tell me that not all men are sexist assholes you are #missingthefuckingpoint

The campaign to keep women on banknotes. Yes, I know there are other fish to fry but actually this is important to people. We are capable of campaigning on more than one issue at a time you know.  Try actually taking five minutes to sign the bloody petition rather than snarking from the fucking sidelines and coming up with bullshit reasons why this isn't important. Besides,

Yes, I do understand that the queen is a woman and on every banknote #missingthefuckingpoint

Bloody rape culture and victim blaming gets everywhere. Despite the fact that a woman is more likely to be raped by a partner in her own home or by someone else she knows than being snatched off a dark street. I have written about this at length and I suppose I will keep doing so till it stops.

If you think that women are more in danger of rape while wearing revealing clothes #missingthefuckingpoint

Tell you who isn't though, the amazing End Victim Blaming campaign. They are making the point over and over again. Click on the link anyone who thinks any blame at all should rest with the abused. Go on, educate yourself. And keep that victim blaming shit the fuck out of my face.

Oh yes, while I'm at it, EVERY woman, regardless of gender assignment at birth is my sister. That is it. Not difficult. If you identify as a woman you are a woman. I don't fucking CARE what you have between your legs. I will defend your right to equality.

Claim to be a feminist and yet exclude trans* women? #missingthefuckingpoint

This one should be self explanatory really. Can't believe I have to say it. My body, my choice.

If you think abortion should only be available in cases of incest or rape #missingthefuckingpoint

Don't even think about telling me that women have equality. Don't even think that. Don't say that. Don't even allude to it. I will kick your fucking deluded ass while I explain how we don't.

I see my sisters all over the world being denied autonomy and being treated like chattel. Think I won't be angry? #missingthefuckingpoint

I'm also sick and tired of the division that means the Tories and Lib Dems are able to decimate a society I was once proud of. We will never defeat them if we spend our time being the People's Front of Judea or the Judean People's Front. It's pathetic and it turns people off. The very people who we need to be our army are waiting in the wings to fight while we argue about which strategy is the right one while excluding all the others. Here's an idea, how about we actually fucking unite and realise we have a common cause and merge the strategies where possible for maximum effect?

If you are a left winger spending time provoking and berating other left wingers then guess what... #missingthefuckingpoint

This one took a few to get across. Being a feminist to me is about choice. Not being part of an army with a uniform. It is about the individuals coming together for a common cause. I can't stand the idea that if I don't dress a certain way, look a certain way, have a body hair then I can't be a 'proper' feminist.

If you grow your leg/armpit hair because that's what feminists do #missingthefuckingpoint

Be hairy or smooth. Makes no odds to me but if you do either to conform to an ideal then you are #missingthefuckingpoint

One of my followers put it better than me. She has a protected account so I won't publish her name but she was bang on!

doing shit to fit an ideal is absurd to me. Doing what makes you happy is the way forward.

This last section was about my utter fucking contempt for those against Equal Marriage. What business is it of yours what people do? How the fuck does it impact on your marriage if I wed a woman? Keep the fuck out of my business and I will stay out of yours.

Think that what consenting adults do in the bedroom is any of your damn business then you are definitely #missingthefuckingpoint

This, from the amazing @midweshtener.

If you berate or disdain other folk for life choices that have absolutely no impact on you, you may well be #missingthefuckingpoint

And this from me.

If your god is more important to you than the people around you then you are #missingthefuckingpoint

Rage expelled for a while I went to sleep.

Then.

I woke up to the news that George Zimmerman has been acquitted for the murder of Trayvon Martin. Not exactly a shock to be honest to wake up to the news that Black American's sons can now be hunted down and killed with impunity.

However.

If you think that the potential for a riot after this verdict is the biggest threat then you are royally missing the fucking point.

The biggest threat is that the verdict will create more George Zimmermans.

*sigh* I lost Twitter followers after my rant last night but I refuse to apologise. When the world stops making me angry I will stop ranting. I will live in a world where race, sexuality, gender, disability, none of that shit will make a difference.

But that isn't today, and I can't see it being any time soon so I will continue to speak my truth.

If you think I won't or that I give a flying fuck of what you think of me for doing so then you are MISSING THE FUCKING POINT.

On Coming Out - Three Little Words

Finally did it. Finally joined PCS Proud. Been meaning to do it for a while but I wasn't ready.

I needed to be sure of myself, I needed to be sure of my family, I needed to be sure that I was doing it for the right reasons.

And I wasn't fully out yet.

That this was the case might surprise some of you who are used to me being REALLY open about most aspects of my life. I've talked on here about rape, violence, low self esteem, my eating disorder, my mental health, damn, there wasn't much left to talk about except my sexuality!

So why didn't I?

Because it was a secret. And had been kept secret for a very long time. Those who knew me very well knew of course but my bisexuality had been held back by a series of three little words...

CAN I WATCH?

No, as it happens you fucking can't. You don't want to watch me have sex with men I suppose? Didn't think so. You fetishise my sexuality and expect me to be there for your gratification. Fuck you. Actually, I'd rather not. (See also, Man, that's hot)

YOU'RE JUST GREEDY

No, as it happens, I'm not. I just happen to be attracted to both sexes.

YOU'RE JUST CONFUSED

No, as it happens, I'm not. There is nothing confused about my being sexually attracted to both women and men. I was only ever confused when I was trying to deny my sexuality to myself. Pointless exercise, but hey there was a reason. And that was...

DON'T TELL ANYONE

The Big Ex this was. He knew when we met, but was embarrassed about it. If I told anyone he would jump on his grumpy trike and take a couple of laps around the block. Then he would sulk. For weeks sometimes, so even though my nearest and dearest knew, it wasn't something that got mentioned in 'polite company'. Fucking asshole.

So, what made me finally come out?

Three more little words.

I LOVE YOU

Finally I have that without question. It isn't a way of controlling me, not supressing me, it just is. And about bloody time too.

I ACCEPT YOU

Oh by the seven this has been heady stuff! To be accepted for exactly who I am? Wow! I know I shouldn't rely on others' acceptance to accept myself but hey, goddesses are human too and it has helped.

I TRUST YOU

Finally!!!!! Someone who understands that just because I am attracted to women and men that this does not mean that I am going to cheat on them. It isn't an addiction. It isn't something I can't control. I am not constantly on the prowl. It's just a thing about me.

And finally. The other three words that meant I could come out.

YEAH, ME TOO...

There are a lot of us about. And we are just people. And some of us are in long term relationships with men. And some of us are single. And some of us are just bumbling along.

Tell you what we're not though.

Confused. Greedy. Indecisive.

Just bisexual.