I Wrote A Book!!!

Been a long while hasn't it?

Where have I been?

I've been writing two books. One about a goddess who is trapped on earth which is still in the editing phase and one about the life of an autistic girl told through her journals and her friendship with the girl she calls Pixie.

It has been a bit full on to be honest, I have also started doing a degree in English and Creative Writing full time.

I got married in the summer to the world's sexiest anarchist and I am really happy and fulfilled.

So yeah, the book.

It is a love letter to my daughter person. They make me want to be a better human being.

It is only £2 and is available here.

Give it a go. You'll be helping out a (very) poor student and you might actually enjoy it!

On Being Woke AF

Oh I'm proper pissed off today. I don't know if it is because I am over tired or because this year has been like a fucking roller coaster but today can fuck off.

This year so far has had some brilliant bits. The Lovely has started his own business, we are closer than ever, Daughter Person is going to Uni, I got a first in a uni assignment, my job fulfils me and I became an aunty again to the fightiest little girl ever. (12 weeks early, came out shouting, you can tell we're related).

Also has had some proper shit bits. Mental health took a real knock after spending less than 2 hours with Bio Mum and I got a (not entirely undeserved) bollocking at work. I'm tired, my endo is shit and I am piling on weight so not always feeling very good about myself. I am weepy a lot of the time and I despair a lot of the time and I am starting to blame one thing.

I am woke as fuck.

I sometimes wish I wasn't. I sometimes wish I could go through the world totally oblivious to the shit that goes on. I sometimes wish that I wasn't as aware of mental health issues, or race issues, or gender or disability or sexuality issues.

I sometimes wish I was the kind of woman who was happy with her lot in life and thought that All Lives Matter because we need to be equal! I sometimes wish I had no idea about privilege or intersectionality or the fact that 2-3 women are murdered by their current or ex partners a week.

Maybe I would sleep better. Maybe I wouldn't be so fucking TENSE all the time. Maybe these things wouldn't piss me off so much.

Motivational posts: Fuck off. Just fuck off. On my FB timeline RIGHT NOW is such bullshittery as HIT LIKE AND SHARE IF YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER/SON/MUM/DAD/DOG/CAT/CROCODILE OR WHATEVER THAT YOU LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART!

Well fuck me, I love my cat and my daughter person, I had better share the shit out of that!

Oh and articles about THE WORST EYEBROW SINS WOMEN CAN COMMIT.

Are you fucking shitting me? Do you not think that we have enough to worry about without people judging us for our fucking eyebrows now? It's like patriarchy panicked because women had started to not give a shit about armpit hair and had to have something to have a go at us about. PSA: do what the fuck you like with your eyebrows. Couldn't actually give a shit and if you are judging women for theirs you either need to get a fucking grip and/or stop buying into a patriarchal society that wants women to shame each other for capitalism.

While I am at it, people can make you feel bad without your consent. (this is the motivational post I hate the most, fucking victim blaming piece of shit that has no idea about manipulation and coercion).

Also, if you derail a conversation about violence against women to talk about men, you can fuck off an all. You are part of The Problem.

Don't want an abortion? Don't get one. Just stay the fuck out of everyone else's wombs and decisions.

Also, reverse sexism is not A Thing. Sexism is backed up by cultural oppression and capitalism and teh menz don't get that. You're confusing sexism with Fragile Masculinity. And worse, they have women doing it.

Reverse racism: See above.

And white people. Stop thinking you can say nigger. I don't care how much fucking hip hop you listen to, you don't get to say it. Not ever. Stop.

See what I mean? All of this would be easier if I never had any political awakening. I would be able to go through my life without giving any of it a second thought. But I can't.

I can't see the bloody poster for Emilia Clarke's new film without wondering why, when she is gazing directly into the eyes of her loved one FROM THE SIDE that we can still see her entire bloody cleavage!

I can't see a 'joke' saying that (and I really wish I was making this up) 'gagging is the most romantic sound you can hear because it means someone has chosen your dick over oxygen' and not lose my shit.

I can't not call out slut shaming. PSA: women can have lots of sex and still respect themselves.

STOP FUCKING JUDGING WOMEN FOR THEIR CHOICES.

I can't not call out racism, homophobia, transphobia or ableism.

STOP JUDGING PEOPLE NON STOP.

My life would be easier but I just can't.

You can't go back to sleep once you've woken. You can't be blind when the scales have fallen from your eyes.

You can never go home again.

On Living With An Invisible Disability - Guest Post

This is from the amazing Fiona Fairless who has been my very good friend for a very long time.
She is exactly the type of person that this government hates.
Register to vote then vote them out. Please.

Over the last few weeks I've been toying with writing about living with an invisible disability. I've been finding things quite hard recently, for a number of external reasons, but it's made me think hard about my attitude.

I have a condition called Fibromyalgia. It came on suddenly following a virus, there is no cure and very little in the way of treatment. It is a neurological condition and so can affect pretty much any part of the body, causing acute pain, spasms, fatigue and a host of other symptoms on a scale ranging from irritating to life changing.

I look no different now than I did the day before I acquired the condition and this in itself causes issues.

I have had the authorities, doctors, even friends and family question my situation.

Comments about how it would get better if I lost weight. Comments about whether it's just a symptom of mental health concerns. Questions about why I should be entitled to benefits - these were from a family member. Being told how nice it must be that I don't have to work now.

I can't articulate in sensible language the impact comments like that have. I want to scream in their faces that they should try being me for a day before they comment but then I realise the futility of that.

They would need to be me, all day, every day to appreciate the life sentence I have been given.
Even worse are those who  tell me they understand.

NO YOU FUCKING DON'T. You don't understand because you are not in my situation and you are not me. You have no idea what it feels like to feel trapped in your own home because you are too exhausted to go out.

You have no idea how humiliating it is to have to ask for help to get dressed, to wash your hair. You have no idea how un-sexy you feel having to wash yet another set of clothes because you couldn't get to the bathroom in time. You have no idea how angry it makes you feel when you can't wash up because your hands hurt too much to grip the dishcloth.


Anger is something I am having to battle with a great deal at the moment. I feel so angry and not because I am disabled. I learnt to deal with that a long time ago. I am angry because of other peoples attitudes and ideas about MY disability. One day I hope I can find a calm place in life where I can be at peace with my condition, where I can feel guiltless about what my condition means and where I can be free from idiots who think they are  thinking before they speak.

Until then I just have one wish. If you have a shred of doubt, an iota of a lack of compassion or simply have no consideration of me, then leave me the fuck alone. Don't comment, don't look, just walk on by.

Member of the Feral Underclass and all round Good Egg, Fiona can usually be found either away with the fairies or singing to power ballad. She loves a good power ballad does our Fiona.