DEEVA FOR POPE!

Let me start off by saying I couldn't give a flying fuck about religion. If you want to believe in a big bearded man in the sky who gets angry when you wank then all power to you. It's not for me, and I'm sure if there is a god then they have better things to do than watch me fantasize over Angelina Jolie. Or maybe not, judging by the state of the planet.

But I digress.

One thing I can believe in is the Pope. Not in him being gods representative in earth natch, but in him as a man with a pretty cushty job.

One he has decided to resign from.

So here is my pitch for the job. Laying aside the fact that I'm a woman and a lapsed Catholic (REALLY lapsed) I think I'd be aces at it.

So here are the things I'd do if I got the job.

1. I'd sell off the Vatican treasures and solve world hunger.

2. Let the African nations know that a loving god would prefer to have them use a condom than die.

3. Women bishops? Sure thing.

4. Abortion on demand? Yep, it's your body, you do what is best for you sisters.

5. *whispers* hey, paedo priests. Coming for ya. Gonna turn the whole lot of you over to the police. Rot in hell you sick fucks.

6. Equal marriage. Yep, you can have that. Love is love. Not sure what the last guy was on about.

7. I'd move the Holy See to Bristol. Me and The Lovely like it here.

8. I would totally rock the frock and hat.

9. Rather than ask for money in the collection plate I would give money to the poor.

10. I would order people to stop fighting in God's name. It isn't important how you worship, being a good person is the thing.

So vote #deevaforpope

It's not like I could do any worse than the last dude.