So. Russell Brand is a feminist now huh?
Yeah, he is, he held up a No More Page 3 t-shirt and everything.
That is all it takes apparently.
Granted, he we went further than when Cameron said he was a feminist. Didn't see Dave holding up a t-shirt did we? Huh? HUH?
And it is apparently the love of a good woman that has led to his Damascus moment.
Fuck. Off.
See Russ, I can call you Russ now that we're sisters and all that can't I, if you have had the scales fall from your eyes through the love of a good woman then I am afraid that you are still thinking with your cock.
While it is happy and fulfilled then you can play at feminism, but break up with the 'good woman' and I am betting that you go back to your sleazy, objectifying, creepy ways without even blinking.
If you being a feminist is predicated on your relationship then it isn't feminism at all and to be honest Russ you would be a fucking liability to the movement so we don't actually want you.
Poor little misogynist boy...
Poor, poor Russ. No one understands you do they? When you were refusing to go on set till a junior wardrobe mistress showed you her tits it was to emancipate her from her crippling insecurity over her body and NOT a sexual assault based on the entitlement of the male gaze was it?
And when you rang an old man and bragged about how you fucked his granddaughter, what you really meant to say was 'I had great consensual sex which was all about mutual gratification.' didn't you? Coz Russ, when you say 'I fucked' it sounds awfully like 'I took as was my right' and that is a teensy bit sexist.
It also buys into purity culture where you are seen as a conqueror of women who are left worthless because they were taken by your almighty dick.
Have you got on to purity culture yet or are you still all about getting laid by saying you respect women now and not quite wearing a t-shirt.
If you really want to be a feminist, and in Russell Brand's dictionary 'feminist' must mean 'egotistical, attention seeking, rapey bawbag' then you have much to learn. (copyright @TittyO'Shea)
For a start, it isn't as easy as just saying you are a feminist. I can say I'm a mermaid, it doesn't mean I am one, even though I do like to soak in the bath a lot.
So here are some tips if you are serious about this respecting women lark.
Don't simultaneously slag off all women you have slept with, including your ex wife by saying they are not good women. Lacking in taste they may be, but they don't deserve that.
Don't act surprised that this whole concept of respecting women actually exists. OH MY! WOMEN HAVE BEEN CALLING ME SEXIST FOR YEARS, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME BEFORE THAT I HAD A CHOICE IN HOW I TREATED THEM?!?
I'm not buying it. Most people I know aren't buying it. I'm not sure even you are buying it and it seems that you are just saying it to get the love of a good woman.
It feels fake Russ and the feminist movement doesn't want that.
You remind me of those creeps who act like they don't eat meat so that hot vegetarian chicks will have sex with them. It's fucking creepy Russ and there are already enough men pretending to be feminists to get laid. We really don't need any more.
Don't treat women as objects. Don't perpetuate the idea that a woman is gagging for it and therefore to be used.
Don't slut shame. Don't victim blame. Don't treat women as your rescuers.
Don't call yourself a feminist. You don't get to join us by holding a fucking t-shirt. We work hard at this shit partly because of the lad culture, dressed up as effete caddery though it may be, that you perpetuate as lover/conqueror of women.
Don't even try to say that you slept with so many women because you love them. Not when you treated them as commodities to taunt their grandfathers with.
Maybe I am being unfair. Maybe you really have turned a corner and want to do the right thing.
Nearly said that with a straight face then.
Friday, 17 January 2014
Thursday, 26 December 2013
Fuck Off Or Fuck Yeah? The December Round Up
*waves* Hello lovely people and assholes alike. Goddess knows I seem to have met you in equal measure this year.
Regular readers will know that December is a weird time for me. I went from this really miserable post to this far more hopeful post and now is the time for the round up from this year.
Has it been Fuck Off or Fuck Yeah!?
Bit of both really.
Fuck Off
Depression hit me with a vengeance this year. Like my brain went 'what, wait, WHUT... she got fucking happy while I wasn't looking? What shit is this?' and tried to totally destroy me.
Fucking asshole. I'd had an amazing year with Doodlebug moving in and feeling nothing but love for the year at home. I got all my debts sorted. Not paid, but actually put stuff in place so I can. That's what a previous marriage gets you when your ex husband didn't work or claim for 7 years apparently. Fuck loads of debt.
I digress.
Things were going so well that my shitty brain forgot to remind me what a waste of space I am. It let me go to Glastonbury and Tolpuddle and Reading and have a fucking great time and though it would sometimes remember to give me a prod now and then, (you don't deserve this remember? Ah fuck it, can't be arsed) it more or less left me alone.
Which was nice :)
Then it hit. Full pelt. Mostly because of work, but that will always impact on how I feel about myself in general. Was being attacked by all sides, day job and union 'comrades' and it got too much.
Sidebar.
When you are in a trade union you are supposed to be united against attacks on your members. There, I fucking said it.
I could not give a FLYING FUCK about what faction you are in or not. Not bothered in the slightest. You should always be working to make things better for your members.
Not a difficult concept really is it?
Yet.... There are those who spend so much time trying to undermine others because they are not in the Judean Peolples Front or the People's Front of Judea or whatfuckingever that they pay lip service at best to what they are supposed to be doing for members. You know, things like organising and campaigning and recruiting activists and shit. But no, that's fine. You spend your time trying to score political points by being snarky and lying to your members about it you useless, ridiculous waste of facility time.
Here is a clue since you seem too politically broke to buy one. There is not a single faction of any kind that is exempt from this. You want to spend your time trying to score points off each other, you go ahead. There are those of us who will just laugh at you while trying to do the best for our members, even if the obstacles you put in the way make us feel like we're banging our heads against a brick wall. You keep arguing about whether the bricks are proletariat enough. Yeah, that'll help.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the Fuck Off section.
What else has pissed me off?
Abortion. Still every woman's choice. Still none of your business. Still your only job is to support a woman whatever her choice is. Women will only have true freedom when they have true autonomy over their bodies and choices. This is not a difficult concept but one that I feel I have to explain over and over again. You're welcome.
Feminists. Stop fucking arguing with each other and get on with smashing patriarchy will ya? For fucks sake. There are a LOT of online feminists I have a lot of respect for, even if their views don't match mine exactly. We are a diverse lot really and there is more to being a feminist than screeching on Twitter about why you are a better feminist than me. Yeah I said it. I covered most of this here when I talked about missing the fucking point but it bears repeating.
I would rather spend my time educating people on why equality is important than arguing about whether trigger warnings are effective (not really in my view as they assume a lot about triggers. I prefer to use 'Content Warning' and let people decide for themselves what is likely to trigger them).
People who moan about christmas leftovers while other people use foodbanks. Fuck off.
People who buy into the idea of the workers v shirkers narrative. Fuck off.
Anyone who thinks that being disabled is a burden on the state, Fuck off.
Think that there will be 27m Bulgarians flooding into the UK next week? Fuck off. And do some research. The total population is far less than that for a start.
Got something to say to me? Say it. Don't hide behind passive aggressive little comments on other people's facebook. Don't lie about me. Don't (and this one was HILARIOUS) trash my musical tastes because there is fuck all else you can say about me. Yep. Fuck off.
Prefer harassing Owen Jones than coming up with a viable strategy of your own? HINT: A one day general strike is not a viable strategy. It will not win the war against austerity. It can only be part of an overall strategy. Again, you're welcome. Now fuck off.
Victim blamers, body policers, fat shamers, rape apologists. Fuck off.
STILL in an organisation that hides rapists. You can fuck off too.
Homophobes, transphobes, racists and idiots... Guess what... fuck off.
Depression. You get the biggest fuck off of them all.
Which leads me to the FUCK YEAH! section.
I finally made it to Glastonbury. I saw Public Enemy from right at the front. I made new friends, caught up with old ones, broke my toe, raised a LOT of money for PCS and had an amazing time.
And when I got home smelling 'earthy' (apparently) I was greeted with smiles and hugs and kisses rather than the cold indifference I am used to.
I finally got to go gigging with my Wife Lady. Who paid £350 to a ticket tout just so she could spend time with me at Reading Festival. Best time ever and I am now an inductee to the Church of Dubstep. It really is all about the drop and the wub, wub, wub.
I spent the year being loved, cherished, adored and trusted.
Doodlebug started college and is thriving.
The Lovely made life better for a lot of people. I am so proud of the work he and his colleagues do. And I am proud of him.
I got through the depressive episode and actually allowed myself to be a member at work. Reps are really, REALLY bad at this, so I see it as a major victory.
I decided that the ex had enjoyed enough control over me and made the decision that he would have no more. So instead of going straight for a divorce once we had been separated 2 years which he could slow down and contest, I have decided to wait so that he can't have a say in it and control me any more.
I took up knitting again and got to see the faces of those I gifted with home made scarves and hats.
I embraced the onesie!!!! You know what, I have never worn anything as comfortable and I now have three of them.
I had a LOT of therapy and finally got a proper diagnosis of Depression, Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I always knew I had them, and fuck anyone who says you shouldn't self diagnose, I don't need a medical degree to know when I have broken my leg, but it is always nice to have it officially validated.
I got an undercut. I had wanted one for years and I finally took the plunge and did it.
I remembered that my friends love me when I am in a good mood and that they STILL love me when I am a crying mess.
Best of all, I found myself again. I remembered that I am not this awful person and that sometimes my very presence brings joy. This was a really powerful lesson to learn. It is one I am going to have to remember through the next 12 months and I may need you to remind me now and then.
In return I will tell you this.
You are not an awful person and sometimes your very presence brings joy.
Anyone who would tell you otherwise needs to fuck off.
Much love and happy new year.
Deeva xxx
Regular readers will know that December is a weird time for me. I went from this really miserable post to this far more hopeful post and now is the time for the round up from this year.
Has it been Fuck Off or Fuck Yeah!?
Bit of both really.
Fuck Off
Depression hit me with a vengeance this year. Like my brain went 'what, wait, WHUT... she got fucking happy while I wasn't looking? What shit is this?' and tried to totally destroy me.
Fucking asshole. I'd had an amazing year with Doodlebug moving in and feeling nothing but love for the year at home. I got all my debts sorted. Not paid, but actually put stuff in place so I can. That's what a previous marriage gets you when your ex husband didn't work or claim for 7 years apparently. Fuck loads of debt.
I digress.
Things were going so well that my shitty brain forgot to remind me what a waste of space I am. It let me go to Glastonbury and Tolpuddle and Reading and have a fucking great time and though it would sometimes remember to give me a prod now and then, (you don't deserve this remember? Ah fuck it, can't be arsed) it more or less left me alone.
Which was nice :)
Then it hit. Full pelt. Mostly because of work, but that will always impact on how I feel about myself in general. Was being attacked by all sides, day job and union 'comrades' and it got too much.
Sidebar.
When you are in a trade union you are supposed to be united against attacks on your members. There, I fucking said it.
I could not give a FLYING FUCK about what faction you are in or not. Not bothered in the slightest. You should always be working to make things better for your members.
Not a difficult concept really is it?
Yet.... There are those who spend so much time trying to undermine others because they are not in the Judean Peolples Front or the People's Front of Judea or whatfuckingever that they pay lip service at best to what they are supposed to be doing for members. You know, things like organising and campaigning and recruiting activists and shit. But no, that's fine. You spend your time trying to score political points by being snarky and lying to your members about it you useless, ridiculous waste of facility time.
Here is a clue since you seem too politically broke to buy one. There is not a single faction of any kind that is exempt from this. You want to spend your time trying to score points off each other, you go ahead. There are those of us who will just laugh at you while trying to do the best for our members, even if the obstacles you put in the way make us feel like we're banging our heads against a brick wall. You keep arguing about whether the bricks are proletariat enough. Yeah, that'll help.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the Fuck Off section.
What else has pissed me off?
Abortion. Still every woman's choice. Still none of your business. Still your only job is to support a woman whatever her choice is. Women will only have true freedom when they have true autonomy over their bodies and choices. This is not a difficult concept but one that I feel I have to explain over and over again. You're welcome.
Feminists. Stop fucking arguing with each other and get on with smashing patriarchy will ya? For fucks sake. There are a LOT of online feminists I have a lot of respect for, even if their views don't match mine exactly. We are a diverse lot really and there is more to being a feminist than screeching on Twitter about why you are a better feminist than me. Yeah I said it. I covered most of this here when I talked about missing the fucking point but it bears repeating.
I would rather spend my time educating people on why equality is important than arguing about whether trigger warnings are effective (not really in my view as they assume a lot about triggers. I prefer to use 'Content Warning' and let people decide for themselves what is likely to trigger them).
People who moan about christmas leftovers while other people use foodbanks. Fuck off.
People who buy into the idea of the workers v shirkers narrative. Fuck off.
Anyone who thinks that being disabled is a burden on the state, Fuck off.
Think that there will be 27m Bulgarians flooding into the UK next week? Fuck off. And do some research. The total population is far less than that for a start.
Got something to say to me? Say it. Don't hide behind passive aggressive little comments on other people's facebook. Don't lie about me. Don't (and this one was HILARIOUS) trash my musical tastes because there is fuck all else you can say about me. Yep. Fuck off.
Prefer harassing Owen Jones than coming up with a viable strategy of your own? HINT: A one day general strike is not a viable strategy. It will not win the war against austerity. It can only be part of an overall strategy. Again, you're welcome. Now fuck off.
Victim blamers, body policers, fat shamers, rape apologists. Fuck off.
STILL in an organisation that hides rapists. You can fuck off too.
Homophobes, transphobes, racists and idiots... Guess what... fuck off.
Depression. You get the biggest fuck off of them all.
Which leads me to the FUCK YEAH! section.
I finally made it to Glastonbury. I saw Public Enemy from right at the front. I made new friends, caught up with old ones, broke my toe, raised a LOT of money for PCS and had an amazing time.
And when I got home smelling 'earthy' (apparently) I was greeted with smiles and hugs and kisses rather than the cold indifference I am used to.
I finally got to go gigging with my Wife Lady. Who paid £350 to a ticket tout just so she could spend time with me at Reading Festival. Best time ever and I am now an inductee to the Church of Dubstep. It really is all about the drop and the wub, wub, wub.
I spent the year being loved, cherished, adored and trusted.
Doodlebug started college and is thriving.
The Lovely made life better for a lot of people. I am so proud of the work he and his colleagues do. And I am proud of him.
I got through the depressive episode and actually allowed myself to be a member at work. Reps are really, REALLY bad at this, so I see it as a major victory.
I decided that the ex had enjoyed enough control over me and made the decision that he would have no more. So instead of going straight for a divorce once we had been separated 2 years which he could slow down and contest, I have decided to wait so that he can't have a say in it and control me any more.
I took up knitting again and got to see the faces of those I gifted with home made scarves and hats.
I embraced the onesie!!!! You know what, I have never worn anything as comfortable and I now have three of them.
I had a LOT of therapy and finally got a proper diagnosis of Depression, Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I always knew I had them, and fuck anyone who says you shouldn't self diagnose, I don't need a medical degree to know when I have broken my leg, but it is always nice to have it officially validated.
I got an undercut. I had wanted one for years and I finally took the plunge and did it.
I remembered that my friends love me when I am in a good mood and that they STILL love me when I am a crying mess.
Best of all, I found myself again. I remembered that I am not this awful person and that sometimes my very presence brings joy. This was a really powerful lesson to learn. It is one I am going to have to remember through the next 12 months and I may need you to remind me now and then.
In return I will tell you this.
You are not an awful person and sometimes your very presence brings joy.
Anyone who would tell you otherwise needs to fuck off.
Much love and happy new year.
Deeva xxx
Tuesday, 3 December 2013
On Judging The Shit Out Of Stuff
Mainly parents putting their kids at risk.
Let me explain. This afternoon I was outside Boots having a ciggy, waiting for Doodlebug to come out when I heard a child screaming.
This sound opens up something in me as it does most people. I mean, this child wasn't crying, we all know that babies cry, but it was screaming. Loudly. From the direction of a car.
I looked over and there were two children, one a baby in a car chair and the other about 3 years old in the back of a car. Alone.
My hackles went right up. Why the fuck would anyone do that?
I thought I would wait around to see if the parent (I wasn't automatically thinking 'mother' to my credit) would come back soon. They didn't. Not for a good ten minutes.
During that ten minutes the baby kept screaming and older child had now wound the window down and was shouting 'mummy' out of it.
I then spotted the security guard from Boots and told him and the shop worker he was stood in what was going on. 'Not again?' was the reply.
Wait, WHUT?
Oh yes, apparently people do this all the time. They leave what is supposed to be precious to them at risk.
Now, I don't like to judge people. Not on who they are, their sexuality, race, lifestyle choices, well anything really. I actually pride myself on being non judgemental.
But it seems that I have limits. And that limit was reached today.
Leave small children in a car in a car park on their own while you do your shopping? I am going to judge the fucking shit out of you.
I hate to play into paedophile hysteria and I know that human beings are most at risk in their own homes, but anything could have happened to those kids. Sometimes they do get snatched. Older child had managed to wind the window down. What if he had got out of the car and got knocked over?
Why take the risk?
I was even more furious when said parent (it was a woman in the end) came out to hear what the fuss was about as shop worker was not being discreet about her anger and security guard was on the radio summoning site security.
'They prefer to be left in the car' she said.
Fucking REALLY???????
I lost my shit.
I pointed out that her kids were screaming for her while she swanned around doing her shopping. I told her that anything could have happened to them especially while older child had the window wound down. I asked how the baby had articulated that it would prefer to be left in the car. Clever baby that.
I tried to stay calm but there may have been some shouting. Shop worker looked pleased that she was getting a telling off and security guard looked like he was ready for a fight to break out.
She seemed quite taken aback. She adopted a 'don't judge me' look. Not sorry, I am judging the hell out of you. Not for thinking that it would be easier to pop into the shop without your kids. It would. Not for looking pissed off at being caught out. Though that would be fair. But for leaving human beings, small human beings who your ONLY FUCKING JOB is to protect and keep safe to fend for themselves.
Fuck you. Fuck you and your prioritising buying wrapping paper over the safety of your children. I am always gonna judge you for that.
Let me explain. This afternoon I was outside Boots having a ciggy, waiting for Doodlebug to come out when I heard a child screaming.
This sound opens up something in me as it does most people. I mean, this child wasn't crying, we all know that babies cry, but it was screaming. Loudly. From the direction of a car.
I looked over and there were two children, one a baby in a car chair and the other about 3 years old in the back of a car. Alone.
My hackles went right up. Why the fuck would anyone do that?
I thought I would wait around to see if the parent (I wasn't automatically thinking 'mother' to my credit) would come back soon. They didn't. Not for a good ten minutes.
During that ten minutes the baby kept screaming and older child had now wound the window down and was shouting 'mummy' out of it.
I then spotted the security guard from Boots and told him and the shop worker he was stood in what was going on. 'Not again?' was the reply.
Wait, WHUT?
Oh yes, apparently people do this all the time. They leave what is supposed to be precious to them at risk.
Now, I don't like to judge people. Not on who they are, their sexuality, race, lifestyle choices, well anything really. I actually pride myself on being non judgemental.
But it seems that I have limits. And that limit was reached today.
Leave small children in a car in a car park on their own while you do your shopping? I am going to judge the fucking shit out of you.
I hate to play into paedophile hysteria and I know that human beings are most at risk in their own homes, but anything could have happened to those kids. Sometimes they do get snatched. Older child had managed to wind the window down. What if he had got out of the car and got knocked over?
Why take the risk?
I was even more furious when said parent (it was a woman in the end) came out to hear what the fuss was about as shop worker was not being discreet about her anger and security guard was on the radio summoning site security.
'They prefer to be left in the car' she said.
Fucking REALLY???????
I lost my shit.
I pointed out that her kids were screaming for her while she swanned around doing her shopping. I told her that anything could have happened to them especially while older child had the window wound down. I asked how the baby had articulated that it would prefer to be left in the car. Clever baby that.
I tried to stay calm but there may have been some shouting. Shop worker looked pleased that she was getting a telling off and security guard looked like he was ready for a fight to break out.
She seemed quite taken aback. She adopted a 'don't judge me' look. Not sorry, I am judging the hell out of you. Not for thinking that it would be easier to pop into the shop without your kids. It would. Not for looking pissed off at being caught out. Though that would be fair. But for leaving human beings, small human beings who your ONLY FUCKING JOB is to protect and keep safe to fend for themselves.
Fuck you. Fuck you and your prioritising buying wrapping paper over the safety of your children. I am always gonna judge you for that.
Wednesday, 6 November 2013
On The Need To Set Boundaries
Been working on boundaries for a couple of weeks now. Setting them, respecting them, enforcing them.
Things, people, have been getting on top of me lately. I am an open person with a lot of love to give but sometimes I just need a break to look after me, you know?
I had this one guy who I met on Twitter. I bumped into him at a conference. He recognised me and grabbed me for a hug and kissed me on the cheek. I had NO IDEA who he was. It was a bit creepy to say the least. After that he would say things on Twitter then send me a direct message asking if he deserved a hug for being a good ally.
(HINT: if you are being a feminist ally to get hugs off women you need to examine yourself very closely. In the face. With a chair.)
I ignored these messages and thought him a bit weird but harmless.
Out of the blue he messaged me on facebook to tell me he liked to cross dress. Fine. Good for you buddy. He then started calling me sis. Asking me to validate him as a woman. I wasn't overly comfortable with this but I didn't really make a fuss about it as he didn't seem to be doing anything wrong. I just had a feeling of discomfort.
(HINT: I do not exist to validate anyone. It is not my role in life. I am not the fucking Goddess of Validation.)
It got worse. He would message me on facebook ALL THE TIME and expect immediate replies. He liked and commented on everything I did and then would send me a message asking if he was a good ally.
(HINT: No. Now fuck off.)
I started to get a bit freaked out. I needed to him to back off. I needed to set a boundary.
Did I send him a message asking him to back off? No. I just defriended him.
I've not always been very good at this you see.
I wasn't taught as a child that I could say no. I wasn't taught that it was ok to set boundaries and enforce them.
I was that child who was made to give the creepy uncle a kiss even if I didn't want to. I was the child who was made to sit on the paedophile step dad's knee and parade up and down aged 12 in his prison shirt and high heels. (The heels were mine, not his). I was the child who believed the ice cream man who molested me that my mum would be angry if I didn't let him touch me as I had never learned otherwise.
I never knew how to set boundaries.
I'm getting better at it though. I will say no to a hug off someone who offers if I am not comfortable and I will hurt anyone who just grabs one without permission.
I will say if someone is needing too much from me when I don't have the headspace.
I will point out to someone who I hear is telling people that she has been busy groping me and will get a snog off me that I am not interested and tell them that they are no longer welcome in my personal space.
I will establish and enforce boundaries. Because you know what? I sometimes have to look after me or I can't look after everyone else.
And you don't have a RIGHT to my time, attention or personal space. These are things I give freely when I can and feel comfortable in doing so.
So, did creepy guy take the hint?
Did he fuck.
He tried to re add me on Facebook. I declined. He tried to join a closed group I am a member of, obviously not realising I am an admin. Again, declined.
I blocked him on Twitter and felt a lot better.
THEN HE STARTED FOLLOWING THIS BLOG.
He won't be able to read this as I have now blocked him from here too because for fuck's sake. How much fucking ENTITLEMENT to me do you think you have? Take a hint. The fact that he cannot respect that I need to have him out of my internet space means that I was right to set and enforce a boundary with him.
And he has given me the strength to do so with others.
Personal space both physically and mentally are vitally important. We must teach this to our children and remember that they are autonomous beings who do not exist to be things we are entitled to.
Teach them well that they can say no and encourage and praise them when they enforce their own boundaries.
It is a skill they will thank you for.
Things, people, have been getting on top of me lately. I am an open person with a lot of love to give but sometimes I just need a break to look after me, you know?
I had this one guy who I met on Twitter. I bumped into him at a conference. He recognised me and grabbed me for a hug and kissed me on the cheek. I had NO IDEA who he was. It was a bit creepy to say the least. After that he would say things on Twitter then send me a direct message asking if he deserved a hug for being a good ally.
(HINT: if you are being a feminist ally to get hugs off women you need to examine yourself very closely. In the face. With a chair.)
I ignored these messages and thought him a bit weird but harmless.
Out of the blue he messaged me on facebook to tell me he liked to cross dress. Fine. Good for you buddy. He then started calling me sis. Asking me to validate him as a woman. I wasn't overly comfortable with this but I didn't really make a fuss about it as he didn't seem to be doing anything wrong. I just had a feeling of discomfort.
(HINT: I do not exist to validate anyone. It is not my role in life. I am not the fucking Goddess of Validation.)
It got worse. He would message me on facebook ALL THE TIME and expect immediate replies. He liked and commented on everything I did and then would send me a message asking if he was a good ally.
(HINT: No. Now fuck off.)
I started to get a bit freaked out. I needed to him to back off. I needed to set a boundary.
Did I send him a message asking him to back off? No. I just defriended him.
I've not always been very good at this you see.
I wasn't taught as a child that I could say no. I wasn't taught that it was ok to set boundaries and enforce them.
I was that child who was made to give the creepy uncle a kiss even if I didn't want to. I was the child who was made to sit on the paedophile step dad's knee and parade up and down aged 12 in his prison shirt and high heels. (The heels were mine, not his). I was the child who believed the ice cream man who molested me that my mum would be angry if I didn't let him touch me as I had never learned otherwise.
I never knew how to set boundaries.
I'm getting better at it though. I will say no to a hug off someone who offers if I am not comfortable and I will hurt anyone who just grabs one without permission.
I will say if someone is needing too much from me when I don't have the headspace.
I will point out to someone who I hear is telling people that she has been busy groping me and will get a snog off me that I am not interested and tell them that they are no longer welcome in my personal space.
I will establish and enforce boundaries. Because you know what? I sometimes have to look after me or I can't look after everyone else.
And you don't have a RIGHT to my time, attention or personal space. These are things I give freely when I can and feel comfortable in doing so.
So, did creepy guy take the hint?
Did he fuck.
He tried to re add me on Facebook. I declined. He tried to join a closed group I am a member of, obviously not realising I am an admin. Again, declined.
I blocked him on Twitter and felt a lot better.
THEN HE STARTED FOLLOWING THIS BLOG.
He won't be able to read this as I have now blocked him from here too because for fuck's sake. How much fucking ENTITLEMENT to me do you think you have? Take a hint. The fact that he cannot respect that I need to have him out of my internet space means that I was right to set and enforce a boundary with him.
And he has given me the strength to do so with others.
Personal space both physically and mentally are vitally important. We must teach this to our children and remember that they are autonomous beings who do not exist to be things we are entitled to.
Teach them well that they can say no and encourage and praise them when they enforce their own boundaries.
It is a skill they will thank you for.
Friday, 25 October 2013
On Climbing Out Of The Black Dog Hole
*big stretch*
First post in a while this. Might take me some time to get back into it. That I am being distracted by Turkish and Bricktop being ridiculously cute isn't helping but I'll live with that.
So why away so long and what to write about now I am able to put fingers to keyboard?
How about why I was away.
Been having a bit of a bad time lately. Been very low. Very depressed. Nearly constantly triggered. It hasn't been fun. I went to the docs to ask for a week of and she gave me a month. I have been a big ball of unreleased rage and as usual was turning it in on myself. Not healthy but the only way I could let the rage go without lashing out at anyone.
I have a real temper you see. It is nasty and vindictive and though not physically violent, I will cut you down to a weeping, blubbering mess with my words. I'm good at it. And when I am in the midst of it, I enjoy it. And I hate it. So I keep it all inside as I wouldn't be able to deal with hurting anyone. I would hate myself for it and the whole nasty, self destructive cycle would begin again. So, because I can no longer go to the beach and scream at the sea I internalise it.
So what had me so bad? My life is good. I have The Lovely and the amazing Doodlebug and I love my work and I am studying a subject I am passionate about. I have brilliant friends and apart from a bit of low blood pressure I am in good physical health.
Weird how your brain doesn't think like that though. Funny how it will find the smallest thing to latch onto to make you freak out and convince yourself that you are a waste of a perfectly good existence.
For me there were a few things.
A random phrase.
I see so much stuff tagged with 'trigger warning' these days. I totally understand and appreciate the effort people go to hoping I won't be triggered but they can kind of miss the point. I am, as I have previously mentioned, a survivor of some pretty horrific abuse. Yet I can read about abuse and it won't trigger me. Even if it is the same kind of abuse I suffered. I can distance myself from it and it won't affect me.
Yet. Put something like 'there will be blood up the walls' on twitter and I find myself right back at age 14 at my dad's house in Trinidad cowering in fear as he beats up his girlfriend.
A song.
Lyrics that have been fine can send me into a spiral at no notice at all. Let You Go by Chase and Status had me frozen in my bed in tears absolutely CONVINCED that if I got out of it the Big Ex was going to get me. Once I came out of it with the help of the wife and processed it, I could listen to the song again with no ill effects. Weird how that happens, but I have a feeling I know why it did.
Big Ex has moved on and got a new girlfriend. Really happy for him. Seriously, I wish him all the luck and love in the world, but it seems he is building Deeva 2.0. It's fucking creepy how similar she is to me. But I'm over it now and saving up for a divorce.
A blog.
My wonderful Doodlebug blogged about their abuse. It was the first I had heard of most of it and it floored me. I totally support their right to do it and I am glad they did, but it left me a ball of unremitting rage that had nowhere to go.
My first instinct was to grab a baseball bat and start swinging. These FUCKERS PUT THEIR HANDS ON MY BABY!!! But that would have done no one any good and Doodlebug would have been left without their prime support while their mother was in prison.
Autumn.
I hate winter. Loathe it. Winter is a thing to be survived. Winter is what I emerge from. Loathe it. It is dark and cold and vitamin D deficient. I ache for the sun on my skin and a warm breeze. Winter gives me chapped lips and wet feet and cold everything. I cannot impress upon you enough how much I loathe it.
The only thing that is worse is autumn. Autumn is the transition time from the joy of summer to the loathing of winter. I have to put the flip flops away. I wake up in the dark. I get home from work in the dark. Everything is dark, including me. So this is never a good time of year. I put the fairy lights on in my bedroom and hope for the best.
I have always survived autumn and winter, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
So I've been trying to get myself up. To make sure I don't press the self destruct button and wreck everything again. To actually talk about how I'm feeling. The anxiety. The depression. The suicidal ideation.
And it has worked to a certain extent, but there are other things that have helped.
The Lovely. He has been patient and kind and loving and actually made me believe that I deserve
him to be all of those things. It was him reaching out to hold my hand while he slept that kept me on this mortal coil this time and I love him to pieces just for being him.
Doodlebug. They are an inspiration to me. Their strength, their compassion and their laughter.
Turkish and Bricktop. Never underestimate the power of a small, fluffy animal to make you smile.
Knitting. Yes really. Keeps my hands busy, my mind free and the blanket we are making together is growing as much as the love we are knitting into it.
Talking.
I've been talking about my mental health problems on twitter and facebook and have been astounded by the love, support and understanding I have had back.
And the encouragement when things have seemed at their darkest.
I have love. I receive love. I love.
At the end of the day it is what will keep me going.
I started the climb out of the hole that is a depressive episode, but when I looked up there were so many hands waiting to help me I couldn't help but jump up.
So that is where I have been and why.
I'm back now. Slowly getting my mojo back.
Hopefully I will be fully back on form soon and this blog will be it's usual ranty shouty place.
Until then, thank you all, every single one of you for every kind word and cyber hug. Especially those who knew I was ill before I did.
Love you all.
Deeva xxx
ANNOYINGLY BLOGGER IS NOT LETTING ME COMMENT ON MY OWN BLOG. THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO COMMENTS.
First post in a while this. Might take me some time to get back into it. That I am being distracted by Turkish and Bricktop being ridiculously cute isn't helping but I'll live with that.
So why away so long and what to write about now I am able to put fingers to keyboard?
How about why I was away.
Been having a bit of a bad time lately. Been very low. Very depressed. Nearly constantly triggered. It hasn't been fun. I went to the docs to ask for a week of and she gave me a month. I have been a big ball of unreleased rage and as usual was turning it in on myself. Not healthy but the only way I could let the rage go without lashing out at anyone.
I have a real temper you see. It is nasty and vindictive and though not physically violent, I will cut you down to a weeping, blubbering mess with my words. I'm good at it. And when I am in the midst of it, I enjoy it. And I hate it. So I keep it all inside as I wouldn't be able to deal with hurting anyone. I would hate myself for it and the whole nasty, self destructive cycle would begin again. So, because I can no longer go to the beach and scream at the sea I internalise it.
So what had me so bad? My life is good. I have The Lovely and the amazing Doodlebug and I love my work and I am studying a subject I am passionate about. I have brilliant friends and apart from a bit of low blood pressure I am in good physical health.
Weird how your brain doesn't think like that though. Funny how it will find the smallest thing to latch onto to make you freak out and convince yourself that you are a waste of a perfectly good existence.
For me there were a few things.
A random phrase.
I see so much stuff tagged with 'trigger warning' these days. I totally understand and appreciate the effort people go to hoping I won't be triggered but they can kind of miss the point. I am, as I have previously mentioned, a survivor of some pretty horrific abuse. Yet I can read about abuse and it won't trigger me. Even if it is the same kind of abuse I suffered. I can distance myself from it and it won't affect me.
Yet. Put something like 'there will be blood up the walls' on twitter and I find myself right back at age 14 at my dad's house in Trinidad cowering in fear as he beats up his girlfriend.
A song.
Lyrics that have been fine can send me into a spiral at no notice at all. Let You Go by Chase and Status had me frozen in my bed in tears absolutely CONVINCED that if I got out of it the Big Ex was going to get me. Once I came out of it with the help of the wife and processed it, I could listen to the song again with no ill effects. Weird how that happens, but I have a feeling I know why it did.
Big Ex has moved on and got a new girlfriend. Really happy for him. Seriously, I wish him all the luck and love in the world, but it seems he is building Deeva 2.0. It's fucking creepy how similar she is to me. But I'm over it now and saving up for a divorce.
A blog.
My wonderful Doodlebug blogged about their abuse. It was the first I had heard of most of it and it floored me. I totally support their right to do it and I am glad they did, but it left me a ball of unremitting rage that had nowhere to go.
My first instinct was to grab a baseball bat and start swinging. These FUCKERS PUT THEIR HANDS ON MY BABY!!! But that would have done no one any good and Doodlebug would have been left without their prime support while their mother was in prison.
Autumn.
I hate winter. Loathe it. Winter is a thing to be survived. Winter is what I emerge from. Loathe it. It is dark and cold and vitamin D deficient. I ache for the sun on my skin and a warm breeze. Winter gives me chapped lips and wet feet and cold everything. I cannot impress upon you enough how much I loathe it.
The only thing that is worse is autumn. Autumn is the transition time from the joy of summer to the loathing of winter. I have to put the flip flops away. I wake up in the dark. I get home from work in the dark. Everything is dark, including me. So this is never a good time of year. I put the fairy lights on in my bedroom and hope for the best.
I have always survived autumn and winter, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
So I've been trying to get myself up. To make sure I don't press the self destruct button and wreck everything again. To actually talk about how I'm feeling. The anxiety. The depression. The suicidal ideation.
And it has worked to a certain extent, but there are other things that have helped.
The Lovely. He has been patient and kind and loving and actually made me believe that I deserve
him to be all of those things. It was him reaching out to hold my hand while he slept that kept me on this mortal coil this time and I love him to pieces just for being him.
Doodlebug. They are an inspiration to me. Their strength, their compassion and their laughter.
Turkish and Bricktop. Never underestimate the power of a small, fluffy animal to make you smile.
Knitting. Yes really. Keeps my hands busy, my mind free and the blanket we are making together is growing as much as the love we are knitting into it.
Talking.
I've been talking about my mental health problems on twitter and facebook and have been astounded by the love, support and understanding I have had back.
And the encouragement when things have seemed at their darkest.
I have love. I receive love. I love.
At the end of the day it is what will keep me going.
I started the climb out of the hole that is a depressive episode, but when I looked up there were so many hands waiting to help me I couldn't help but jump up.
So that is where I have been and why.
I'm back now. Slowly getting my mojo back.
Hopefully I will be fully back on form soon and this blog will be it's usual ranty shouty place.
Until then, thank you all, every single one of you for every kind word and cyber hug. Especially those who knew I was ill before I did.
Love you all.
Deeva xxx
ANNOYINGLY BLOGGER IS NOT LETTING ME COMMENT ON MY OWN BLOG. THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO COMMENTS.
Tuesday, 8 October 2013
Sex Workers ConsultationPaper.
NWF/21/13 NWF/21/13
Equality, Pay and Policy Department
TO: NATIONAL WOMEN’S FORUM
FROM: MARY DOOLIN
DATE: 18 SEPTEMBER 2013
SUBJECT: Sex workers consultation paper
The wording below will form the basis on a Branch Briefing which will be going to Branches in the next few days.
Background
At Annual Delegate Conference (ADC) 2012 the NEC was instructed to produce a discussion paper for branches to consult on this issue because PCS currently has no policy on the sex trade. This consultation took place in February 2013.
Consultation responses
Due to the low level of responses the consultation period was extended to 5 April 2013.
Again the response rate was low and insufficient to inform a decision, therefore the National Women’s Forum (NWF) agreed to wait until after ADC 2013 for further consultation.
At ADC 2013 the NEC was instructed to develop a policy regarding the treatment by the employer of members with secondary or prior work in the sex industry.
The NEC has instructed that a further discussion paper incorporating ADC 2013 policy is circulated for consultation.
Consultation document
ADC motion A27 (2012) and ADC motion A27 (2013) were referred to the NWF to make recommendations to the NEC regarding the contents of the consultation paper.
As a result, this paper has 5 main discussion areas that form the basis of the consultation:
1) Is sex work a trade union issue?
2) Should sex workers be considered as workers and have employment rights?
3) Should trade unions organise sex workers?
4) Should PCS support the criminalisation of purchasers and/or providers of sexual services?
5) Should PCS develop a policy regarding the treatment by the employer of members with secondary or prior work in the sex industry?
To reaffirm, PCS is undertaking this consultation because some of our members are affected by these issues, and because the union has no current policy in this area. The union is not considering directly organising sex workers.
After consulting with members, Branches are asked to forward responses to the National Executive Committee (NEC) by no later than 18 October 2013, c/o equality@pcs.org.uk.
The NEC will review the outcome of the consultation at the meeting in December and consider how to take the issue forward.
Please circulate the attached document to members and ask for responses so these can be fed back to the NEC for consideration.
NWF/21/13 NWF/21/13
Equality, Pay and Policy Department
TO: NATIONAL WOMEN’S FORUM
FROM: MARY DOOLIN
DATE: 18 SEPTEMBER 2013
SUBJECT: Sex workers consultation paper
The wording below will form the basis on a Branch Briefing which will be going to Branches in the next few days.
Background
At Annual Delegate Conference (ADC) 2012 the NEC was instructed to produce a discussion paper for branches to consult on this issue because PCS currently has no policy on the sex trade. This consultation took place in February 2013.
Consultation responses
Due to the low level of responses the consultation period was extended to 5 April 2013.
Again the response rate was low and insufficient to inform a decision, therefore the National Women’s Forum (NWF) agreed to wait until after ADC 2013 for further consultation.
At ADC 2013 the NEC was instructed to develop a policy regarding the treatment by the employer of members with secondary or prior work in the sex industry.
The NEC has instructed that a further discussion paper incorporating ADC 2013 policy is circulated for consultation.
Consultation document
ADC motion A27 (2012) and ADC motion A27 (2013) were referred to the NWF to make recommendations to the NEC regarding the contents of the consultation paper.
As a result, this paper has 5 main discussion areas that form the basis of the consultation:
1) Is sex work a trade union issue?
2) Should sex workers be considered as workers and have employment rights?
3) Should trade unions organise sex workers?
4) Should PCS support the criminalisation of purchasers and/or providers of sexual services?
5) Should PCS develop a policy regarding the treatment by the employer of members with secondary or prior work in the sex industry?
To reaffirm, PCS is undertaking this consultation because some of our members are affected by these issues, and because the union has no current policy in this area. The union is not considering directly organising sex workers.
After consulting with members, Branches are asked to forward responses to the National Executive Committee (NEC) by no later than 18 October 2013, c/o equality@pcs.org.uk.
The NEC will review the outcome of the consultation at the meeting in December and consider how to take the issue forward.
Please circulate the attached document to members and ask for responses so these can be fed back to the NEC for consideration.
Equality, Pay and Policy Department
TO: NATIONAL WOMEN’S FORUM
FROM: MARY DOOLIN
DATE: 18 SEPTEMBER 2013
SUBJECT: Sex workers consultation paper
The wording below will form the basis on a Branch Briefing which will be going to Branches in the next few days.
Background
At Annual Delegate Conference (ADC) 2012 the NEC was instructed to produce a discussion paper for branches to consult on this issue because PCS currently has no policy on the sex trade. This consultation took place in February 2013.
Consultation responses
Due to the low level of responses the consultation period was extended to 5 April 2013.
Again the response rate was low and insufficient to inform a decision, therefore the National Women’s Forum (NWF) agreed to wait until after ADC 2013 for further consultation.
At ADC 2013 the NEC was instructed to develop a policy regarding the treatment by the employer of members with secondary or prior work in the sex industry.
The NEC has instructed that a further discussion paper incorporating ADC 2013 policy is circulated for consultation.
Consultation document
ADC motion A27 (2012) and ADC motion A27 (2013) were referred to the NWF to make recommendations to the NEC regarding the contents of the consultation paper.
As a result, this paper has 5 main discussion areas that form the basis of the consultation:
1) Is sex work a trade union issue?
2) Should sex workers be considered as workers and have employment rights?
3) Should trade unions organise sex workers?
4) Should PCS support the criminalisation of purchasers and/or providers of sexual services?
5) Should PCS develop a policy regarding the treatment by the employer of members with secondary or prior work in the sex industry?
To reaffirm, PCS is undertaking this consultation because some of our members are affected by these issues, and because the union has no current policy in this area. The union is not considering directly organising sex workers.
After consulting with members, Branches are asked to forward responses to the National Executive Committee (NEC) by no later than 18 October 2013, c/o equality@pcs.org.uk.
The NEC will review the outcome of the consultation at the meeting in December and consider how to take the issue forward.
Please circulate the attached document to members and ask for responses so these can be fed back to the NEC for consideration.
NWF/21/13 NWF/21/13
Equality, Pay and Policy Department
TO: NATIONAL WOMEN’S FORUM
FROM: MARY DOOLIN
DATE: 18 SEPTEMBER 2013
SUBJECT: Sex workers consultation paper
The wording below will form the basis on a Branch Briefing which will be going to Branches in the next few days.
Background
At Annual Delegate Conference (ADC) 2012 the NEC was instructed to produce a discussion paper for branches to consult on this issue because PCS currently has no policy on the sex trade. This consultation took place in February 2013.
Consultation responses
Due to the low level of responses the consultation period was extended to 5 April 2013.
Again the response rate was low and insufficient to inform a decision, therefore the National Women’s Forum (NWF) agreed to wait until after ADC 2013 for further consultation.
At ADC 2013 the NEC was instructed to develop a policy regarding the treatment by the employer of members with secondary or prior work in the sex industry.
The NEC has instructed that a further discussion paper incorporating ADC 2013 policy is circulated for consultation.
Consultation document
ADC motion A27 (2012) and ADC motion A27 (2013) were referred to the NWF to make recommendations to the NEC regarding the contents of the consultation paper.
As a result, this paper has 5 main discussion areas that form the basis of the consultation:
1) Is sex work a trade union issue?
2) Should sex workers be considered as workers and have employment rights?
3) Should trade unions organise sex workers?
4) Should PCS support the criminalisation of purchasers and/or providers of sexual services?
5) Should PCS develop a policy regarding the treatment by the employer of members with secondary or prior work in the sex industry?
To reaffirm, PCS is undertaking this consultation because some of our members are affected by these issues, and because the union has no current policy in this area. The union is not considering directly organising sex workers.
After consulting with members, Branches are asked to forward responses to the National Executive Committee (NEC) by no later than 18 October 2013, c/o equality@pcs.org.uk.
The NEC will review the outcome of the consultation at the meeting in December and consider how to take the issue forward.
Please circulate the attached document to members and ask for responses so these can be fed back to the NEC for consideration.
Friday, 4 October 2013
On PCS Sex Worker Policy UPDATED
Are you a PCS member?
Remember Resolution A27 from Conference? The one that asked us to consult about a sex worker policy?
You know, the one where I thundered that a worker was a worker was a worker?
Well, here is my Branch response to the 5 questions the consultation paper asked. Massive thanks to Dr Ana Lopes from UWE Bristol for her help with this.
Now that I have the full consultation paper here I am reproducing the whole repsonse document, INCLUDING all that we thought wrong with the paper in the first place.
I would be very grateful if you could get your Branches to respond too. The response needs to go to equality@pcs.org.uk by 18th October
Remember Resolution A27 from Conference? The one that asked us to consult about a sex worker policy?
You know, the one where I thundered that a worker was a worker was a worker?
Well, here is my Branch response to the 5 questions the consultation paper asked. Massive thanks to Dr Ana Lopes from UWE Bristol for her help with this.
Now that I have the full consultation paper here I am reproducing the whole repsonse document, INCLUDING all that we thought wrong with the paper in the first place.
I would be very grateful if you could get your Branches to respond too. The response needs to go to equality@pcs.org.uk by 18th October
- Branch Response to SW policy paper.
Consultation Document on A27, a response
The document has been obviously had a good amount of work invested in it. Unfortunately in an effort to not offend anyone from either side of the argument on this it patently fails to address and confront the deeper issues. There are time and again an implied gender bias across the document that this is only a women’s issue, it applies only to those who were born a woman and not those who have transitioned from one gender to another and that any woman who chooses to be a SW can only be doing so under duress from an influencing male. This is seen in information presented in support and opposition of the view of whether or not there should be a policy. (capital P below means page)
P5 implied gender bias, it implies with some of the language used (particularly in para 2) that it is only women (and women who are of an age to consent) that this impacts. It also implies by omission that this is only a heterosexual issue (although later does address that sexual orientation identity and practise may not be the same, but does not expand on this or explain why men may have sex with men but identify as heterosexual etc). It would be beneficial that in future work like this that because of an unconscious bias of many readers, that they should specifically state that SW are not limited to women, who were women at birth but that it is an issue for women, men, this who are or have transitioned gender, who are heterosexual, homosexual and any SO in between.
Paragraph 3 on P5 coyly avoid any strong language in regard to illegal trafficking of people and that this is effectively slavery and could/should/must be viewed differently from and not confused with those who have freely consented to participate as a SW
P8 you should define LGBT and not assume that everyone understands what is meant by it, even amongst PCS branches. It is important to not confuse sexual orientation (LGB) with gender transition, change or non-binary status that may be considered by the individual to place them within the Trans community (T). This paragraph garbles the situation.
P9 ‘men enter sex work for different reasons’ from who? ‘Come from different backgrounds’ from who? ‘Have different life experiences’ from who? ‘Not all male sex workers have support needs’ but all women do? Why is there such an explicit gender bias? Is this evidenced??
P10 information presented seems to seek to confuse not inform any decision, is this actually relevant at this point? Is there information missing to lead into and clarify this information?
P11 4th question, seems to be very one sided in presentation. What is the GMB experience of organising SW? What are GMB Sisters experience of organising with SW? Why is it not here?
P12-14 Seems to be situation and fact and an absence of consideration that SW are people and this section feels like SW are objects not people, I’m sure that this is an unintended consequence in presenting the evidence without any emotional bias.
P15 second bullet point;- ‘yet women, trans, male…’ Trans what? Trans it vans??? Those who have undergone or are undergoing gender transition are people not objects. This and every other use of ‘trans’ must be in future modified to acknowledge that they are people by simply saying ‘trans people’ (or in specific cases ‘trans woman’ or ‘trans man’). It implies an unconscious bias against LGBT people that Trans and LGB SW are to be objectified and dehumanised (same at 6th bullet point). There may be an implied unconscious bias here to demonstrate the argument against SW and that they are exploited people, but if your argument is thus, please be explicit.
Now to the questions
Is sex work a trade union issue?
Yes. Sex work has been hotly debated within feminism of the 1st and 2nd waves – therefore, it became seen as largely a feminist, gender issue. However, sex worker voices have changed the picture and reclaimed the labour character of their activity.
Sex workers themselves have demanded union representation and membership as a basic labour right.
Sex work isn’t unique in the way that they face exploitation, violence and or abuse. There are plenty of industries that face these but already have trade union representation and protection.
There are many similarities between sex work and other work. It is work and therefore a trade union issue. This is also about equality and equality should be the cornerstone of every trade union.
Health and safety being one of the other cornerstones must be relevant to sex work, especially regarding HIV/AIDS. Trade unions have an important role to play here.
Should sex workers be considered as workers and have employment rights?
If we accept as above that sex work is a trade union issue then yes, sex workers should be considered workers. Dismissing the whole industry as abuse is patronising and denies the lived experience of sex workers who chose to be in the industry. Situations where people are forced into commercial sexual activities should be dealt with as abuses and are already covered by law. Not making a distinction between forced and consensual sex work means that resources that should be channelled to prevent and deal with real abuses are being wasted.
Abuses faced by sex workers are the same abuses that are faced by other vulnerable workers in low status jobs in the informal economy and yet we wouldn’t question whether cleaners, bar staff etc are actually workers and ‘deserve’ employment rights.
The title is in the name. Sex workers. And workers should have employment rights.
Should trade unions organise sex workers?
Yes. In fact there are already unions that do organise these workers. GMB and Unite have sex worker branches. There is also the International Sex Workers Union (ISWU). Also unions organise already in Argentina, Germany, the Netherlands and Greece.
There is a temptation to make judgement calls on the type of sex work. It isn’t all about prostitution, it includes chat lines, sauna, pornography, massage parlours, the list is endless. It could even include being an Ann Summers representative.
The temptation is to decide that certain sex work is more acceptable than other types. I have heard that we can support people working on chat lines but not those working in rape porn. This is naivety at work and a lack of understanding about separating the work from the worker. No one would say that we shouldn’t organise traffic wardens or tax officers as they recognise that while they may loathe the work they do that there are workers attached to the work and these workers need the unions.
A worker is a worker is a worker. And workers need to be unionised.
Should PCS support the criminalisation of purchasers and/or providers of sexual services?
In short, no. Criminalising purchasers (clients) would only move the problems to other areas and push sex workers to more isolated areas making them even more vulnerable. The Swedish model where they criminalised everything shows that this would be the case. Sex workers would be even harder to reach by support services. As the demand went up and the supply became less prices would rise. Sex workers would lose time to negotiate safe sex and assess the client. The police get tip offs about abuse and bad practice from purchasers and they would be far less likely to come forward with information about trafficking etc if they were further criminalised.
Criminalisation will only deter the ‘nice’ clients, not the nasty ones. This becomes a health and safety in the workplace issue as the nasty ones are less likely to use condoms and are more likely to be abusive and put sex workers in physical danger.
The same kind of danger that seeing sex work as ‘wrong’, ‘bad’ or dirty puts sex workers in. There is a feeling that sex workers need ‘rescuing’ from their lives. Where this will be the case when sex workers are being abused, as already mentioned, those cases should be dealt with under the law on abuse (Offenses Against a Person Act 1981) and should not be informing the debate on whether or not a person who willingly undertakes sex work should be persuaded because of moral judgements not to do so.
Nor is it just austerity that ‘forces’ people into sex work. Anecdotally there are plenty who don’t go into sex work to pay the bills but to go on holiday, festivals etc. We must get away from the moral judgements and see this as work. Criminalisation will not end sex work. It is called the oldest profession for a reason and is a growing industry.
We have to protect and not demonise the workers.
Should PCS develop a policy regarding the treatment by the employer of members with secondary or prior work in the sex industry?
Yes. This is trade unionism 101. It should always be that we protect and support workers. Unsure as we are about whether it needs a separate policy, sex work should not be seen as bringing the department into disrepute and all other conduct and discipline policies should cover this aspect of other work.
We already have policy that says that members have to get permission to do other work outside the department. Members engaged in sex work may well fall foul of this. Hence it is vital that PCS has policy on sex work and sex workers so that we may properly protect and support our members that take part in it.
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